


Life Begins Anew

by Miss_Vile



Series: Life Begins Anew [1]
Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Canon Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Study, Denial of Feelings, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Eventual Nygmobblepot - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lee is a good friend, Love Confessions, Lucius is also a good friend, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Murder, Past Drug Addiction, Suicidal Thoughts, drug dens, ed is Dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:11:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Vile/pseuds/Miss_Vile
Summary: “Shall we get to work?”“Yes. I think we shou-” was all Oswald could say before falling forward.“Oswald!” Ed managed to catch Os by the shoulders.Ed had noticed the blood that was pooling out from underneath Oswald's bandage during his tantrum about the submarine. But what he hadn't noticed was the sudden fever. He thought Oswald was a bit too warm during their hug but now, holding him as his unbandaged eye glazes over, he becomes all too aware just how hot and unbearably pale he was.





	1. Sorry

**Author's Note:**

> I've made a Nygmobblepot playlist. A lot of the songs featured in the fic are included in case some of you wanted to listen along.
> 
> Spotify Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/225adwoyy57js5qkrszb3sygq/playlist/7vxnj0vxkZcbtDeaTUqvXI?si=MstCw05QRQioDIgIphZamw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this in a few hours. I didn't bother editing. I just wanted to pour it out there and sulk.
> 
> I have no idea how many chapters I'm going to make this. I have no plans at all really aside from this eventually evolving into sappy Nygmobblepot love confessions.
> 
> Feel free to leave me comments and critiques!
> 
> EDIT: I finally have a plan for this fic (...mostly)! So far it's looking like it'll be about 5 chapters worth of slow-burn Nygmobblepot fluff.
> 
> You've been warned.
> 
> Chapter 1 is named after "Sorry" by Halsey

_"I've missed your calls for months it seems_   
_Don't realize how mean I can be_   
_'Cause I can sometimes treat the people_   
_That I love like jewelry_   
_'Cause I can change my mind each day_   
_I didn't mean to try you on_   
_But I still know your birthday_   
_And your mother's favorite song..."_

_-Sorry (Halsey)_

 

“Shall we get to work?”

 

“Yes. I think we shou-” was all Oswald could say before falling forward.

 

“Oswald!” Ed managed to catch Os by the shoulders.

 

Ed had noticed the blood that was pooling out from underneath Oswald's bandage during his tantrum about the submarine. But what he hadn't noticed was the sudden fever. He thought Oswald was a bit too warm during their hug but now, holding him as his unbandaged eye glazes over, he becomes all too aware just how hot and unbearably pale he was.

 

“Oswald, we need to treat your injury right away.”

 

Oswald responded with a moan.

 

“Os?” Ed attempted to hide the panic in his voice. _Not now. Not after everything..._

 

“E-Ed?” Oswald's voice was hoarse and he had a death grip on his partner's shoulder, “I think... I think I might get sick...”

 

* * *

 

“Ed?” a familiar voice called out from the hallway, “I came as soon as I could- Oh God... is he?”

 

Ed looked up to see Lee standing in the doorway with a box of medical supplies. Ed's shirt was covered in blood. His hair was a mess and his eyes were outlined in bright red. Oswald was splayed out on the large oak table, thankfully unconscious. Ed had rolled up his jacket and tucked it underneath Oswald's head. He had already removed the bloodied bandages and thrown them unceremoniously onto the floor.

 

“We didn't have time to remove the shrapnel during the firefight.” Ed gritted his teeth, lamenting the fact that he didn't treat Oswald's wounds sooner. In fairness, he tried. He hadn't exactly had the most graceful reaction to the injury when Oswald had first shown him. Something he later regretted when Oswald kept slapping his hand away at the GCPD. He had insisted on crudely wrapping it himself and absolutely refusing to let Ed touch him. _Stubborn bird..._

 

Lee set the box down and immediately pulled out gloves, disinfectant, and bandages. She ran into the bathroom she passed in the hallway and vigorously washed her hands before applying gloves. She pulled out a flashlight and began examining Oswald's eye. Or... at least what was left of his eye. She suppressed a gag. This wasn't too dissimilar to the injuries she treated back in the Narrows but it didn't make the sight of the Penguin's injury any less gruesome.

Ed returned shortly after having washed his own hands and applying his own gloves, “You don't have to stay.”

 

“Of course I'm staying. This will be easier to deal with if you have help.” She pulls out a metal dish and removes a sterile set of forceps from its package.

 

“Let me do it.” Ed holds out his hand. Lee gives him the forceps without any additional convincing.

 

“Does he have any allergies?” Lee asks as she pulls more of the supplies from the box and lays it all out where it can be more readily available.

 

“No.” Ed grimaced as he pulled a piece of metal from Oswald's lacrimal area. He plopped it into the metal dish, “Is there any medicine?”

 

“Not much. We have some Proparacaine drops, limited antibiotics, and some Paracetamol for when he wakes up.” She watches as Ed removes more shrapnel from Oswald's eye and face. After five or so pieces, she notices that Ed's hands have started shaking, “Ed...Let me help.”

 

He doesn't fight her. He gives her the forceps and removes his gloves before burying his face in his trembling hands. He wasn't sure what time it was but he knew it was late. He was exhausted. The events of that day had worn him to the bone. This was just one more nail in the coffin.

 

“Thank you.” Ed's voice is barely above a whisper. His throat is dry and he feels like cotton has been stuffed down his esophagus.

 

“You're welcome.” Lee smiled, not looking away from the delicate work in her hands. After a few moments of silence, she asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“What?” Ed's face was muffled behind his hands.

 

“About what happened... with Oswald? How he got his eye so messed up?”

 

“Not really.” Ed said flatly.

 

“Alright. Just checking.” Lee continued working and the room fell back into silence. Roughly an hour later, Lee had removed the last of the shrapnel. Ed hadn't said anything in that entire time. She looked up at him and their eyes met. He looked a lot like he did when they were together in the Narrows. Or, more accurately, when they worked together at the GCPD. For a moment, she felt nostalgic.

 

“You wanna take care of his stitches?” She asked, “You were always better at it.”

 

Ed left the room to go wash his hands and apply a fresh pair of gloves. Lee removed her own and poured herself a tumbler of the whiskey she had eyed on the opposite end of the rather large room. Ed chuckled when he came back.

 

“We better finish off that bottle before Oswald wakes up. He shouldn't be mixing alcohol with his painkillers but I have _no doubt_ he'll try if he sees it.”

 

“I'm sure you'll be able to keep him in check.” She smiled

 

“Maybe.” Ed smiled back, “But I'd rather not take my chances with a man in pain with an obvious drinking problem.”

 

After Oswald was all stitched up and Ed was sure that the fever that had started as a symptom of infection had mostly gone down, Ed allowed himself to relax. Mostly. Despite being as exhausted as he was, he wasn't going to allow himself to fall asleep before he knew for certain Oswald was going to recover.

 

“Here.” Lee handed him a tumbler of the amber liquid, “You look like you need it.”

 

Ed gulped it down, stood up, and poured himself another. Lee rolled her eyes and finished off her own, “I should be heading back. I didn't exactly tell Jim where I was going.”

 

“Oh. Right. He's probably worried.” Ed nervously adjusted his glasses

 

“Doubtful. He fell asleep the moment he had everything squared with the military.” she sighed and looked up at Ed. Ed looked to be lost in thought. He took a sip of his whiskey without taking his eyes off of Oswald's chest as it slowly moved up and down at a steady rate, “If you need anything else just let me know.”

 

“Thank you.” Ed stared at the floor. He seemed uncertain about something.

 

“Ed?” she asked hesitantly

 

“I...” Ed's shoulders shuttered, “This is all my fault.”

 

Lee had already prepared herself for his breakdown. It was inevitable. She glided across the room and placed a hand on his shoulder, “Eduardo and his men were raining bullets down on you. Oswald's injury wasn't your fault-”

 

“-I froze.” Ed practically yelled. He inhaled sharply and swallowed before continuing, “There was a grenade and... I froze. And Oswald... he...” his voice trailed off

 

“He saved you.” Lee finished his sentence. Of course Oswald saved Ed. Oswald _loved_ Ed. Anyone could see that. Well, anyone but Ed himself. Ed nodded his head and bit back what she assumed were tears. She rubbed circles into his shoulder. It was all she could think to do.

 

This was the first time they had really spent much time together after they had stabbed each other in the Narrows. She found that she was still fond of him even after everything. Despite being a complete psychopath, Ed was endearing. It was obvious to her, even back then, that he had no love for Gotham or its people. The city had done nothing but kick him in the teeth but Ed always managed to find one person to align himself with. One person who steered him in a direction. For a while that had been Lee. Ed had robbed several banks in one night and helped distribute the money to the needy in the Narrows. And it had all been for her. He couldn't care less about the people, but he cared about her. It was why she didn't hesitate to grab medical supplies when he had called her. His voice had been so frantic he could barely get the address out to her. 

 

“I'll come back in the morning with some more medicine. Will you be alright until then?”

 

Ed nodded his head.

 

“Promise me you'll get some sleep?”

 

“Sure.” Ed lied

 

“Alright. Don't hesitate to call me back sooner if you need anything.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Okay.” Lee finally removed her hand from his shoulder and made her way out the door.

 

Lee's footsteps echoed down the hall. When he heard the front door close, Ed let out a gasp of breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Ed turned his attention to Oswald's sleeping form and sighed. Mustering up the last of his strength, he lifted Oswald from the hard table and princess carried him over to the couch. He walked over to the box of medical supplies and pulled out a thin powder blue blanket.

 

“It's not a quilt... but it'll have to do for now.” Ed covered his friend and slumped down on the floor beside the couch. For a moment, the room seemed to dissolve around them. Instead of the golden light from the fireplace everything was bathed in green neon lights from a Chinese takeout, beakers were lined up by the sink, and Oswald was curled up under his checkered quilt recovering from a bullet wound.

 

Ed sucked in a breath and felt his bottom lip quiver. Why was this so difficult? A few hours ago he had been ready to stab Oswald in the back!

 

But he _couldn't._

 

In that moment of weakness he heard Oswald breath in and hold him so tightly. He couldn't help but lean into him and melt into that hug. The hug that they had both silently agreed would be their last... but then abandoned their own silent promises.

 

“ _We're brothers.”_

 

Ed felt a lump in his throat. Oswald had referred to him as a brother but something about the way Oswald had said it made it seem _wrong_. No... 'brothers' wasn't the best way to describe what they were. But, for the life of him, Ed couldn't figure it out. The words hung on the tip of his tongue and he quickly chased them down with the last of the whiskey.

 


	2. Elastic Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added some new tags. Notably "Suicidal Thoughts" and "Self Harm"
> 
> It's brief but I wanted you lovelies to be safe and aware <3

_“And another one bites the dust_   
_But why can I not conquer love?_   
_And I might've got to be with one_   
_Why not fight this war without weapons?_   
_And I want it and I wanted it bad_   
_But there were so many red flags_   
_Now another one bites the dust_   
_And let's be clear, I trust no one.”_

_-Elastic Heart (Sia)_

 

“Still feeling sick?” Ed handed Oswald a glass of water and an assortment of pills.

 

“Very.” Oswald only swallowed enough water to get the medicine down. He hadn't been able to stomach anything more than ice chips. He leaned back onto the couch he woke up on that afternoon and, without thinking, raised a curious hand towards his bandages.

 

“Oswald.” Ed scolded, “You are already fighting off infection from the shrapnel. You do not need to make it worse by poking around in an open wound!”

 

Oswald attempted to roll his eyes but found it nauseatingly uncomfortable. He sucked down another ice chip and examined the rather disheveled room at the Gotham City Library. Ed hadn't bothered cleaning up from the night before. There was blood trailed along the floor and all over the table where Ed had performed the crude surgery. His emerald green jacket was stained black from the caked in blood. There was a box of medical supplies that he didn't recognize with a GCPD logo printed on the side. Beside it was an empty glass with lipstick printed on the rim. _Ah. That makes sense._

 

“You called Lee.” Oswald stated, motioning to the table.

 

“I... Yes. I did.” Ed shifted uncomfortably on the balls of his feet and readjusted his glasses, “I- I knew the GCPD had medical supplies and... she was-”

 

“It's fine, Ed. Really.” Oswald interrupted. Ed's voice was getting higher and higher pitched the more he spoke. Oswald knew him well enough to recognize the symptoms of Ed's all too frequent panic attacks. After Ed had a moment to breathe normally, Oswald spoke again, “I'll just have to remember to thank her the next time we unfortunately cross paths.” Oswald grimaced at the warm pain that engulfed the side of his head and ever-present nausea. What he wouldn't give for a stiff drink and the ability to sleep into next week.

 

“I guess that makes you two even now.” Ed chuckled, “You saved her that day in the Narrows. The same day you saved me...” His voice trailed

 

“Yes. I remember all too clearly.” Oswald felt a tightness creep up his throat at the memory of finding Ed unconscious in a pool of his own blood next to his beloved Queen of the Narrows. When the bridges blew, all Oswald could think about was whether or not Ed was safe. He had rushed to the Narrows to find him and had been devastated. A quick look around the room told him everything he needed to know. He made a few phone calls and then resigned himself to sit on that floor with Ed's head in his lap until help had arrived. If Ed was going to die, Oswald didn't want him to be alone when the moment came.

 

Ed licked his lips absentmindedly. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject about why Oswald had saved Lee. _It would have been easy,_ Ed thought, _to let her die on that cold floor in the Narrows and let her rot._

 

Sensing what Ed was thinking, Oswald spoke first.

 

“Are you angry with me?”

 

“What? I- Why would I be angry with you Oswald?”

 

Oswald laughed at that, “I don't have to be a _forensic pathologist_ to know that the two of you stabbed _each other._ ” Oswald hissed, “But I paid Hugo Strange to save her anyway.”

 

“Why did you?” He finally asked

 

“You made it pretty clear that you would never forgive me if I came between you two.”

 

“That... doesn't make logical sense, Oswald. If you knew she had been the one to stab me then-”

 

“-I don't know, Ed! I thought you loved her! Maybe I didn't want you to wake up and immediately regret your actions when you had come to your senses!” Oswald paled. His irritation was making the pain blossom through his temple and down his jaw. He suppressed the urge to vomit with a groan and leaned back on the couch with his eye closed. He inhaled sharply when he felt the foreign sensation of hands on him. His one good eye shot open and instantly locked with Ed's dark brown ones. Ed had produced an ice pack and was positioning it over Oswald's chest and diaphragm. The cold seeped into his core and took the edge off of his nausea almost instantly.

 

“We should change your bandages.” Ed tore his eyes away and practically teleported over to the box on the table.

 

“You don't have to.” Oswald's words wavered. He wanted to say more but suppressed any want or need he had in that moment.

 

“It's the least I could do.”

 

* * *

 

Oswald didn't know when he had fallen asleep. He blamed the cocktail of painkillers and emotional fatigue. What time was it? He looked out the window and saw that the sun was already setting. There was a sleeve of saltine crackers on the table next to him. Beside it was a note:

 

_What do a spoonful of sugar and ginger tea with honey have in common?_

_-E.N._

 

The note made Oswald chuckle. It was true that he shouldn't be taking the medicine he'd been given on an empty stomach but the crackers were hardly sufficient. Oswald stood up and saw that Ed had finally cleaned the room. Ed's ruined jacket was balled up and thrown into a trashcan along with bloodied bandages, discarded surgical gloves, and an assortment of other medical implements. He also found an empty bottle of whiskey beside two empty glasses.

 

Lee had been there. Oswald had passed out from pain and fever and Ed had called her. _Poetic_ , he thought. He had saved them and, in turn, they had worked together to save him. He found that he didn't really hate her. Resented her, maybe. Was possibly even jealous. But he certainly didn't hate her. She had turned Sofia Falcone in a vegetable. And for that he at least respected her.

 

The library was quiet. Practically a tomb. For the first time since his injury, Oswald looked in the mirror. He was paler than usual which made his freckles stand out more. The bandage covered most of the right side of his face. He dared not peak under the gauze. He wasn't quite ready for that. Edward Nygma, of all people, had actually gagged at the sight of it. The same Edward Nygma who carved up his girlfriend and shoved her into a suitcase.

 

His mind wandered back to Ed. His voice had been so wrathful and greedy. If Oswald was honest: It scared him. He wasn't entirely sure how Ed's illness manifested. He had been curious once after Ed's release from Arkham and managed to get his hands on a copy of his patient file. Oswald had assumed that with Hugo Strange out of the way that the quality of the hospital would improve. He couldn't have been more wrong. The treatment of his dearest friend had been abysmal, to say the least. The doctors were apathetic at best and had no real intentions of helping him. Knowing then the extent of how underwhelming the facility was had even inspired him to work on renovating and establishing higher therapeutic standards for Arkham Hospital during his time as mayor. If either of them got sent back there he wanted to make sure it wasn't as Hellish a stay. Sadly, that plan never came to fruition.

 

He would be lying if he said he understood the extent of Ed's illness. He had done some of his own research after the Arkham file had proven to be insufficient. However, without actually confronting Ed about it, he was left with nothing more than speculation. What he was certain of though was the fact that the personalities- Ed and The Riddler- were two separate parts of a whole and could never really merge or even banish the other.

 

The conversation from last night and the maddening way that Edward had spoken had proven his assumption. He watched as the two halves of his friend switched back and forth between each personality. Even mid-sentence. The Riddler talked about how he felt nothing for the people of Gotham. Ed disdainfully recalled his time working a thankless job at the GCPD. He watched as the Riddler glared at the mirror and likely saw his other half glaring back from its mercurial surface. It was at that moment that Oswald realized that they both finally agreed on who they were. They had finally accepted each other as an integral part of their own being and knew that they couldn't accomplish their goals without the other.

 

“ _We would be stronger together.”_

 

God... Oswald had sounded so desperate in that moment. _Weak,_ Oswald thought. _Weak but not stupid._ Edward had betrayed him countless times before and there was no reason why he wouldn't be compelled to now. _In for a penny- In for a pound!_ , he had thought. He had already shown his hand in that one desperate statement, he might as well give in. It was probably going to be the last time anyway. Ed was the most organized chaos he had ever had the pleasure of falling in love with. He was calculated and yet often got tangled up in his own hubris. Predictable but also unstable.

 

Oswald had hoped that Ed was still too distracted glowering at his own reflection to notice the knife he had retrieved from his knee-brace. He initiated a hug, for old times sake. Even went so far as to call Ed a brother in order to lull him into a false sense of security. There had been an audible “click” of a switchblade the moment Edward had agreed to the hug.

 

_Predictable and clumsy as usual._

 

As they pulled each other close, Oswald held the point of his blade upward towards Ed's back. That way, when Ed inevitably stabbed him and pulled away from him, he would fall right onto Oswald's own. But...there had been several beats and _nothing_ had happened. Oswald knew that Ed had a knife. He could feel the sharpened point brushing the fabric of his coat. No doubt Edward could feel the same from his own knife... and yet he didn't budge. Had Ed just pulled out his own knife in response to his? The realization that neither of them had any cruel intentions nearly made him gasp. It was easy to melt into the hug after that.

 

“Oswald?” Ed's voice broke him out of his trance. He was carrying a suitcase.

 

“Where are you going?” Oswald knew his expression had betrayed him. It made sense that Ed would leave now. They agreed to work together but they made no such agreement that they had to be by each other's side to do so.

 

“I'm taking you home.” Ed sucked in a breath as if he had stepped on something sharp, “Unless... of course... you'd rather just stay at the library but I really have to insist, for the sake of your recovery, that we go back to the manor! I went there after you fell asleep and-”

 

Arms wrapped around him and dissolved his panic. Edward mentally slapped himself for nearly falling apart like he had. _Don't mess this up for us!_ , he scolded himself. He wrapped his own arm around his smaller friend and squeezed. He found it easy to hug Oswald. Easier than it should have been, honestly.

 

_Don't mess this up._

 

* * *

 

Miraculously, the Van Dahl manor had been mostly untouched. A few scavengers had come across the hidden manor in the woods on the outskirts of Gotham. They had pillaged all of the food and immediate necessities. The wine cellar was completely cleared out. All of the paintings and finery were still in their rightful place and with minimal graffiti.

 

Oswald crossed the threshold and spotted several boxes of rations and supplies. The broken windows were boarded up and it almost seemed cozy. It was certainly a better base of operations than the Gotham City Library. They would have had to relocate eventually as the city rebuilt.

 

Oswald scrunched up his nose at an offending odor. He was suddenly overwhelmed by the smell of bleach as he entered the foyer. He looked down and saw the tell-tale signs of blood.

 

“Squatters.” Ed spoke, “Easily taken care of. Though, the clean-up was less than optimal given our limited supplies.”

 

“You've certainly been busy.”

 

“I have.” Edward beamed and raised his eyebrows inviting Oswald to ask him about the particulars of his exploits.

 

“How busy?” he sighed

 

“You can enjoy me any time of the day but only in the evening can you really call me by my name. What am I?”

 

Oswald thought for a moment and gritted his teeth when he found he couldn't find the answer. Ed's smug smile wasn't making it any easier.

 

“Do you give up?” Ed practically sang

 

“Fine.” Oswald shrugged and clenched his fists at his own defeat, “I give up.”

 

“Dinner. Also, I stole this .” Ed pulled a bottle of Pinot Noir from behind his back with an insufferable grin.

 

It had genuinely been some time since either of them had a proper meal. Oswald had enjoyed a lot of luxury even after the bridges blew but the food never actually tasted any good. It was often overcooked and seasoning had been exceedingly difficult to come across. He missed Ed's cooking. It was a luxury that could never be replaced.

 

Oswald lamented the fact that he couldn't eat as much as he wanted to. Nausea would hit him in waves but he didn't care. Edward had lit several candles and set them on the table between them. It was almost romantic. Ed only allowed him to have a single glass of the wine with dinner. It paired nicely with the brothy soup.

 

“Thank you, Ed. Truly. All of this...” Oswald gestured to the room around them, “This means so much to me.”

 

“This was my home once too.”

 

“Right. Of course.” He swallowed hard, “And it can be your home again... if you want.” Oswald tried not to sound desperate. He wasn't going to allow that to happen again if he had to cut out his own tongue to prevent such a mistake.

 

“It would certainly be ideal.” Ed stated matter of factly, “But I wasn't going to assume until you had said something.” He cleared his throat.

 

“Edward, please. What's mine is yours.” His smile was both genuine and brief. He choked down the small voice telling him to follow his heart further. It was advice he had given Ed but was now rejecting outright. He wasn't going to mess this up. Edward didn't love him. He had told him as much that day on the pier- in more ways than one. Oswald had been trying and failing and trying and failing to suppress his feelings toward his best friend and partner in crime. Those feelings poisoned him. Made his tongue and skin sticky with his name. He wasn't going to allow it to weaken him. To weaken _them_. He had to remain vigilant for his friend's sake and not go down that road a second time.

 

Oswald stirred his soup without eating it. He ventured a glance upward and saw that Ed was staring right at him. Unmoving. It made him nervous with the intensity of his stare. Oswald swallowed, “Why do I feel like there is something you want to tell me?”

 

 _Dammit_... he was sounding desperate again.

 

Ed coughed and finally broke his gaze, “Yes... with the issue with the manor out of the way... I suppose...” He straightened his tie, “I wanted to continue our conversation from earlier. If that was alright?”

 

“You'll have to remind me, Ed. I've been medicated since then.”

 

“About Lee.”

 

“Ah. _That._ ” Oswald over-emphasized that last word, “What more is there to say?”

 

“Firstly: a thank you. I didn't understand it at the time but, in hindsight, I do appreciate all that you have done for me. Even when I don't deserve it.” He resisted the urge to look up at Oswald and gauge his reaction, “Secondly... I wanted to assure you that _you_ are my priority, Oswald. Not Lee.”

 

“I would have assumed after the deal we made last night.” Oswald raised an eyebrow

 

“Yes. But... I felt like it needed to be said.” Ed stared at the bowl in front of him

 

The crackling of the fire was unbearably loud.

 

“Was there anything else you felt it necessary to discuss?” _In for a penny... in for a pound._

 

“I...” Ed breathed in and soaked in all of Oswald's features. Oswald had always been pale but with his blood loss from the day before and the months they had spent scraping by on rations made his complexion eerily similar to the version he saw when he thought he was dead. His lips were tinged blue and his uninjured eye was sunken and purple. His skin like the moon. A chill ran up his spine at the memory of Oswald clad in tuxedo and top hat. Body rimmed in red light. Those eyes like an incoming storm splitting him in two.

 

“Ed?”

 

“We should discuss what our next move will be in rebuilding. The sooner we enact our plans, the better.” Ed shook the memory that had surfaced from his mind.

 

“While that is true... I think we should lay low. We wouldn't want to do anything that could jeopardize our pardon.”

 

“True. And you do need some time to recover. Speaking of which...” Edward stood and held out a hand, “Let's go change those bandages.”

 

Ed led Oswald over to the loveseat by the fireplace and knelt down on his haunches. It was a ritual Oswald had already grown accustomed to. They would sit in silence, Ed would check the wound and make a variety of mental notes as he cleaned it and applied fresh gauze, and Oswald would just stare at the man he adored. He enjoyed being this close to him, though he would never admit that out loud. There were emotions there that he dared not let bubble to the surface.

 

Oswald's head buzzed with painkillers. He wasn't sure how long he had been lost in thought staring at the crackling fire. He almost didn't notice Edward hooking his arm under his and lifting him to his feet.

 

“Upsy-daisy, Oswald. Let's get you to bed.”

 

Oswald didn't fight him. It was an excuse to have Edward close to him. He was going to take advantage of it while he had the excuse. Edward would be none the wiser if Oswald accidentally leaned in a little more enthusiastically than he normally would have as they walked across the room and up the stairs.

 

Oswald's room was mostly bare. The nest of bedding he once had was missing along with the curtains for some reason. The fabric had been sturdy so he assumed they must've gone to a good cause. Ed had replaced them and set up candles around the room. Power hadn't been restored to Gotham yet and working generators were hard to come by.

 

Edward helped Oswald into the King Size bed and made sure to be mindful of his eye. He looked around the room and went over his mental checklist. Clean bedding- check. Light canceling curtains- check. Oswald's pistol tucked under his pillow like a security blanket- check.

 

“I'll be down the hall if you need me-” Ed looked down at his hand and saw that Oswald had laced their fingers together. Edward's expression contorted and he was suddenly overcome with a flood of uncomfortable memories that stabbed daggers into his heart.

 

“Stay.” Oswald's voice was low. His inhibitions were dulled by the heavy dose of medicine necessary for his recovery. Ed found it difficult to deny him the affection despite his attempt to distance himself from it. His mouth was a straight line and his gaze was burning a hole into the headboard.

 

Oswald's slow exhale ignited the flesh on the back of Ed's hand. He wasn't repulsed by the sudden intimacy but he found himself unsure of how to respond to it. It's not like Oswald was purposefully making him uncomfortable. He was high on pain medication and obviously not thinking clearly. That's at least the excuse Ed was giving himself.

 

“Ed...” Oswald's voice was breathy. Almost _needy._ Ed swallowed. Words formed but quickly crumbled when he realized Oswald's eye had fluttered closed and he was drifting off into sleep. Something about Oswald saying his name while he slept briefly melted the coiled cage around his heart. Without thinking, he gently moved a tuft of feather-like hair out of Oswald's face and tucked it behind his ear. It wasn't weird to admire your friend's features, after all. Right? He could say that Oswald was attractive. It was just an observation. _Right..._

 

“What the hell are we doing?” His own voice spoke to him from across the room. He didn't have to look up to know that _he_ was there.

 

“We're taking care of Oswald.” he replied, “Nothing more.”

 

“Don't lie to us. We know what this is.”

 

Ed gritted his teeth and practically flung his glasses off of his face. He silently prayed they weren't broken. It would be a while before he could have them replaced. He waited until Oswald started snoring before he continued.

 

“He doesn't...” Ed stammered, “... Not anymore.”

 

“I thought I was the emotional one.”

 

“We're the same person.” Ed snapped

 

“No. We have the same goals. And one of those goals is currently holding us hostage on his bed.”

 

Edward stifled a laugh. He finally looked up at his hallucination. It wasn't the same shy, awkward, _dumb_ Ed he had grown accustomed to. This was a more focused Ed. An Ed with purpose. He had his arms crossed over his chest and stared at Oswald's sleeping form.

“He's just... He doesn't know what he's doing.” Ed peeled his hand away from Oswald's and frowned at the sudden cold.

 

“Yeah, let's keep thinking that.” the hallucination scoffed and then plunged his hands into his pockets. It seemed his hands were cold too.

 

Ed breathed through his nose, “Just go away.”

 

“No can do, buster.” His hallucination gave him a shit-eating grin, “We have work to do.”

 

* * *

 

Oswald descended the stairs at a snail's pace. He regretted not installing a lift. As he made his dizzying descent down the stairs he caught sight of Edward suddenly appearing from the opposite end of the room. Ed made a face, spun around on his heels, and then turned back around. Oswald hobbled after him and his jaw nearly hit the floor.

 

Guns and spools of ammunition littered the room. Barrels of clean water, rations, and- _mercifully-_ a few bottles of whiskey and Oswald's favorite brand of Cognac. Edward was busying himself with a stack of papers and a pile of money he appeared to be counting.

 

“What in the hell is this?”

 

“What has-”

 

“No, Ed. I am _too_ tired and _too_ dizzy to deal with your riddles right now. Just give me a straight answer.”

 

“I broke into City Hall after you fell asleep.” Edward seemed proud of himself, “I also robbed a bank. Or two. I procured these for us.” Ed handed Oswald the stack of papers, “I figured they would come in handy after the city was rebuilt.”

 

Oswald shuffled through the stack in astonishment. They were the deeds to numerous valuable properties throughout Gotham City. One, in particular, caught his eye. It was a two-story nightclub in the Diamond District. He had his eye on it for a while and had hoped to make it the future location of the Iceberg Lounge.

 

“Ed, this is... amazing.” Oswald admitted and bit the insides of his cheeks.

 

Ed bowed theatrically. When he looked back up, he saw that Oswald wasn't smiling. He looked furious. Ed's face fell, “You're mad.”

 

“Of course I'm mad!” Oswald exploded, “I told you to lay low!”

 

“I'm doing us a favor!” Ed snatched the deeds from Oswald's grasp and shook them in the air, “What happened to taking anything we wanted when we wanted it?”

 

“Jim Gordon is out there with the rest of the GCPD doing the same thing! You could've been seen!”

 

“I think I can outmaneuver the idiots at the GCPD.” Ed scowled, “Besides they're still preoccupied with the refugees and the F.E.M.A.”

 

Oswald sucked in a breath and shook. It was usually what he did right before an outburst but, after counting to ten, he steadied himself and ran his tongue over his pointed teeth. He broadened his shoulders and looked down his nose at Ed, “We have been given a once in a lifetime opportunity to have a clean slate. Putting yourself out there on the front lines is going to guarantee you a one-way ticket to Blackgate. Or _worse:_  Arkham!”

 

“You have no business complaining about me putting myself on the _front lines_ after leaving me on that pier with the submarine.” He growled, “You happily put yourself in harm's way for this City and for what?”

 

“I was following my heart!”

 

“WHICH IS WHAT _I'M_ DOING!” Ed yelled. His vocal folds swollen from the intensity of it.

 

Oswald didn't say anything. He couldn't. He wanted to ask him what he meant but he was afraid of the answer. Afraid that he misheard or misunderstood.

 

Ed slapped his arms to his sides in frustration and then spun around back to his work station. He focused his attention on the map of Gotham he had rolled out onto the desk that used to be his when he was Chief of Staff. At one point he muttered something Oswald couldn't make out and glared at the mirror in the room. He shook his head and then circled a few locations. Most notably a GothCorp lab in the Otisburg District. Edward walked over to the wrack of guns and pocketed a pistol.

 

“Ed-”

 

“Don't.” Ed shot him a look.

 

“Fine.” Oswald relented, “What do you need me to do?”

 

“Take your pick of rations and take your antibiotic. No more than two painkillers until I return. _No alcohol._ Got it?”

 

“I'm not a child, Ed.”

 

“I'll be back in a jiffy.” Ed gave him a fake smile before donning his jacket and bowler and marching out of the manor.

 

Oswald sucked in another breath. His teeth were clenched so tightly he could've broken one.

 

“ffffFFUCK YOU, EDWARD NYGMA!”

 

Oswald collapsed onto the couch by the fireplace. He popped a painkiller into his mouth and swallowed it without water. That had been a mistake. He let out a violent cough and winced at the pain in his eye. He was fairly certain the eye was gone. Or, at the very least, permanently damaged. He scrunched up his nose at the image he had of him wearing glasses. He looked around the room and saw a portrait of a distant relative he knew nothing about. They were stout and wore a monocle. Oswald shrugged. There were worse fates, he supposed.

 

Edward had instructed him to eat something but the thought of having to shovel the dry rations down his gullet was less than appealing. The bottle of Cognac, on the other hand. Now _that_ sounded appealing.

 

* * *

 

“Alley-oop!” Edward dragged the last of the liquid helium into the back of the car. It didn't take much digging before he found out that GothCorp had bought all of the designs and equipment out from under Victor Fries. His tech had been fascinating and Edward wanted to take it apart and adapt it for his own purposes. It would be expensive to maintain but having the ability to freeze their victims and assets was too good an opportunity to pass up. He was elated to discover that GothCorp had an off-the-grid stock of liquid helium and an array of equipment designed to super-cool it. He was positively giddy.

 

His smile melted from his face the closer he drove to the manor. He had said too much in that moment. He had made a mistake and he wasn't entirely certain how to back-pedal the situation. Oswald was bound to ask him what it had meant. Ed silently vowed to never say it out loud. Oswald would surely toss him aside if he showed that he was weakened. _Encumbered._

 

Oswald didn't love him anymore.

 

He had said he was going to follow his _heart_ and then walked in the opposite direction of Ed. That was all the proof Ed needed. Saving him from that grenade had been an impulse. He didn't do it because he had feelings for Ed. Though Ed wasn't sure what other reason there _could_ be. It was a riddle he hadn't quite figured out the answer to.

 

He arrived at the manor a mere hour before sundown, just as he had predicted. He pulled the car around the side of the house and opted to not drag anything into the mansion until he had at least checked on Oswald. He usually waited until Oswald was asleep before running any of his errands and the thought of Oswald being by himself while he was vulnerable had certainly made him anxious.

 

And god, leaving him alone been a _mistake_.

 

“Dammit, Oswald!” Ed took the bottle of Cognac from his hands, “You can't mix alcohol with your medicine!”

 

“It was just one drink, Ed.”

 

Ed shook the bottle in his hand. It was nearly empty, “Just one, huh?”

 

Oswald rolled his one good eye. It landed on the portrait of Elijah Van Dahl. _Just one drink..._

 

Ed didn't realize how angry he was until he heard the shattering of the glass bottle against the wall. He had apparently thrown it. He growled, “YOU COULD DIE, OSWALD!”

 

“WELL, MAYBE THAT'S THE POINT!” Oswald's scream echoed through the manor. Silence. A few passing heartbeats.

 

“You... You don't mean that.”

 

“And what if I did, Ed? Huh? What if...” Oswald clenched his fist in the air trying to strangle the words in that vulnerable moment, “What if I'm tired? Tried of all of... _this_. Tired of walking on eggshells-”

 

“Tired?” Ed scoffed, “You've been beaten down before. You didn't give up then and you certainly won't now.”

 

“And what exactly makes you think that you have _any_ say in what I do or don't do with my own life?”

 

“I... I don't.” Ed's face fell. His own fatigue was suddenly apparent to the both of them.

 

When was the last time Ed had slept? Oswald thought back on the events from the last couple of days and couldn't recall a moment where Ed so much as nodded off. Truthfully, all he could remember was seeing him trying to piece together assets that would help them build their empire together in-between fretting about Oswald's recovery.

 

 _In for a penny_ , Ed thought.

 

“I don't want to lose you, Oswald.” Ed was trembling now, “I wasn't lying... when I said I would have missed you.”

 

Oswald flipped a coin on his emotions and settled on irritation, “You expect me to believe that? Mr. Cold Logician?” He scoffed, “That's rich, Ed. Next, you'll tell me that you missed me even after you _shot me_ on that pier.”

 

“I did.” Ed didn't hesitate to confess that, “I regretted every second that you weren't here.” Ed's fatigue had sapped him of his remaining strength and willpower, “You said it yourself: We are stronger together. We're supposed to conquer this city as _partners_.”

 

Partners.

 

Not 'brothers'.

 

“Partners.” Oswald spat the word out with so much venom, his saliva could have melted iron, “If you were truly my _partner_ , Ed, you wouldn't be out gallivanting through the broken streets of Gotham and jeopardizing our pardon!”

 

“And what makes you think that we'll get any sort of pardon?”

 

“Why wouldn't they? I have served the people of Gotham on more than one occasion and they adore me. They wouldn't allow my being arrested to stand! Chaos would ensue! Protests! You'll see! One way or another I'll end up the winner.”

 

“Rumor has it that Jim Gordon will be named Commissioner.”

 

Oswald's face fell. He knew what that meant.

 

“Do you honestly think that the boy scout is going to allow a pardon for either of us?” Ed waved his hand in the air between the two of them.

 

“That may be true.” Oswald spat. Ed was right. And that harsh truth snapped him back into a reality he hadn't wanted to consider, “But I still can't have you going out there on your own without some kind of backup.”

 

“I'm not the one who needs a babysitter, _Oswald._ ”

 

Oswald's nostrils flared at the insult. His eyes flickered over to the shattered bottle of Cognac. He breathed in through his nose and noisily out his mouth “I know you don't need a babysitter. That wasn't what I meant to imply.”

 

“Then what were you implying?”

 

“I can't have you going out there and risking your life while I am in no condition to fight alongside you.” He faltered. It was harder to keep his feelings hidden, “I can't exactly take another grenade for you while I'm like this!”

 

Ed opened his mouth to speak but found that he had no words. Oswald continued.

 

“...Though, I guess... if I'm being honest with myself, that wouldn't really stop me. If one landed at our feet in this very moment I wouldn't hesitate to throw myself on top of it”

 

“Why?” Ed was positively bewildered. He still hadn't solved the riddle.

 

“Because I-” He stopped himself. He covered his mouth with his hand and stared at the floor. After a few calming breaths, he looked up and continued, “Edward, I would take a bullet for you any day of the week. I would allow myself to be frozen again. Permanently, even. I would throw myself into that godforsaken river and I would put a noose around my own neck if it meant that you would be safe. I would sacrifice _everything_ for _you_.”

 

“You're lying.” Ed spat, “You're only saying that to manipulate me.”

 

“I'm not manipulating you, Ed. I am well past the point of no return when it comes to you and the matters of my own heart.”

 

And the penny _drops._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is probably the longest chapter and OOF.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!


	3. i love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Added additional tags.
> 
> This one is super-duper dialogue heavy and has a few dark moments.

_“Maybe won't you take it back_  
_Say you were tryna make me laugh_  
_And nothing has to change today_  
_You didn't mean to say 'I love you'_  
_I love you and I don't want to...”_

_\- i love you (Billie Eilish)_

 

“ _I am well past the point of no return when it comes to you and the matters of my own heart.”_

 

Lined up on the shelf of Oswald's mind were numerous bottles. Each bottle contained a memory. There was one containing his mother's lullaby. One of his father telling him that he was loved and never alone. There was even one for Fish Mooney.

 

Oswald's favorite memory was of a teacup filled with ginger tea and honey. Edward wrapped in gold and black brocade haloed by firelight. Dark bruises blooming around his throat like a macabre necklace. A hug that was almost something more had Oswald been bold enough.

 

Oswald wasn't sure where on the shelf to place the memory of _this_ exact moment. An innocent confession that left him feeling raw and unclouded. A confession that was long, long overdue. The relentless thumping in his chest urged him to keep going while his fear gripped him tightly and told him to shatter it on the ground.

 

Shatter it like a broken Cognac bottle against the wall.

 

Or like his fragile heart encased in ice.

 

Edward's expression hung somewhere between apprehension and... something Oswald couldn't quite place. Whatever it had been, it was quickly overtaken by a profound sadness. An expression that was all too familiar. One that gave Oswald of a phantom pain of a bullet ripping through his abdomen and filled his lungs with dingy water. One that made the words _“I don't love you”_ rattle inside his skull.

 

“W-what I _meant_ to say was that I value you... as a friend.” Oswald gave a fake smile as he attempted to swallow his accidental confession and replace it with a half-truth, “I didn't mean to give you the impression that I was manipulating you.”

 

“Oh.” Ed's expression neutralized. He was a statue once again, “Excuse me.”

 

Edward fled the room without saying another word. Oswald walled up his heart once again and fell back onto the couch. It was getting darker now but he just couldn't find the energy to start a fire or even light a candle.

 

Ed returned with the first aid kit and tossed it onto the couch beside Oswald. He turned his attention to the fireplace and began busying himself with the fire. He seemed to be doing everything he could do to keep from looking at his friend. Oswald, assuming that Ed wanted nothing to do with him, forced himself to sit up and placed the first aid kit onto his lap. He opened the latch but was startled when Edward clicked his tongue in protest.

 

“I'll do it, Oswald.”

 

“You already do too much, my friend.” Oswald's voice was hoarse, “I can take care of it myself.”

 

“Just like how you took care of that bottle of Cognac?” Edward's words bit down harder than intended. His jaw was clenched in frustration. Regret tugged at the corners of his frown.

 

Edward rolled one of Oswald's sleeves and ran a finger over his skin. He was moon-grey pale with splotches of red scattered in random patches. Ed gave a long sigh and then, finally, looked up into Oswald's eyes.

 

He reached out and unfastened several buttons from Oswald's shirt- their eyes never breaking contact. A gauntlet silently thrown down at their feet. A war raged between their gazes. Neither opponent blinked or made even a micro-expression that could give away their position on their feelings.

 

Ed lifted a stethoscope to Oswald's chest and instructed him to breathe. Oswald, who had managed to not yelp at the feeling of cold metal on his skin, obliged and kept his eyes transfixed.

 

“Do you have any chest pain?”

 

“No.”

 

“Feel feverish?”

 

“No.”

 

“Ringing in your ears?”

 

“No. Are we done?” Oswald lost. His nose had crinkled in frustration. Ed handed Oswald a bottle of water and then went back to staring at the floor. After a moment, Ed finally spoke.

 

“I'm sorry, Oswald.” Ed appeared small in that moment. His lip quivered, “I put your life in danger. Again. Please, forgive me.”

 

“What?” Oswald was confused.

 

“If I had known how badly you were hurting, I would never have left you alone.”

 

“Pfft... please. Being depressed and drinking my sorrows is what I've always done. Tonight was no different. You shouldn't worry yourself.” Oswald gave another fake smile. More for himself than for Ed.

 

“No. I know you, Oswald.” Ed held Oswald's face in his hands. It was as if he were trying to keep Oswald from falling. Or maybe he was trying to keep himself from falling, “This was different. You clearly have a lot on your mind that's troubling you.”

 

“I do.” Oswald confessed, _Though it's not what you think..._

 

“It's not uncommon to fall into a depression after a serious injury. I shouldn't have assumed...” Ed swallowed hard and let his fingers fall limply into his lap, “It's obvious to me now. Especially now... after everything you just said about being willing to throw your life away for no reason.”

 

Oswald opened his mouth to protest- to _correct_ him- but was interrupted before he could form any words.

 

“I won't make that mistake again, Oswald. I promise.” Ed spoke with a reassuring tone

 

“Edward... about what I said-”

 

“-It's fine.” he gave a sad smile, “No reason to dwell on it.”

 

Oswald chose not to say anything. It was probably better for the both of them if Ed mistook his confession as just the ravings of a depressed alcoholic. Edward was probably right. They were both better off unencumbered. Ed couldn't love him anyway. How could he? Oswald was just some broken bird and he had already destroyed any chance at romance long ago. _How silly_ , he thought, _And to think I tried to open that door again. I'm such a fool-_

 

Oswald gasped as he was pulled from his wayward thoughts. Ed had shined a light in his eyes. Though, he was relieved to discover he _did_ have partial vision in his injured eye. Ed was no ophthalmologist and so the surgery had been risky. Even with Lee present, the chances of losing his eye entirely had been high.

 

“It's healing up rather nicely. We should be able to remove your stitches in another couple of days.” Ed smiled, “You might even end up with a really cool scar.” he chuckled

 

“As if I needed more of those.” Oswald rolled his eyes and absentmindedly rubbed at his stomach. Edward flinched.

 

“Sorry.” Edward drilled a hole in the floor with his gaze

 

“You're saying that a lot.”

 

“I have a lot to be sorry for.” Edward's eye flickered over to a hidden wound he knew was under Oswald's shirt and waistcoat.

 

“Ed.” Oswald's voice was gentle. Syrupy even. Ed continued to stare at nothing, “Edward Nygma, look at me.”

 

Their eyes locked. A typhoon of emotion washed over Ed as he was confronted with the weight of all of his regrets in that moment. Regret about the grenade. Regret about rejecting Oswald's friendship and hospitality. Regret about shooting him. Regret about loving him despite it being a terrible and dangerous weakness for the both of them.

 

“I have already forgiven you. A thousand times over. When will you realize that?” Oswald shook his head in disbelief. He bit the inside of his cheeks and looked like he might cry, “What a mess we are, Edward. I have been so incredibly selfish. I haven't stopped to ask how _you_ were feeling. This has all been hard on you too-”

 

“How I feel isn't important.” Ed interrupted. His tone flat.

 

“Of course it is.”

 

“I'm a psychopath. Pretty sure I'm not capable of feeling anything.”He lied

 

Oswald laughed at that “Don't be ridiculous. You and I both know that is not true.”

 

There they were again- locked in a staring match vying for dominance over their own pesky emotions. Each one trying to find the kink in the other's armour and secretly praying it would reveal something they each wanted to confirm. This time, however, it was Ed's turn to lose. Not-So-Dumb Ed appeared over Oswald's shoulder and snaked a hand down passed Oswald's clavicle. His long fingers danced around the opening of the smaller man's shirt. His mouth curling around the shell of Oswald's ear.

 

“We should tell him.” His hallucination hissed

 

“S-stop it...”

 

“Stop what? Feeding you the truth?” Oswald flared his nostrils and shook his head, “You aren't a heartless man, Ed. Neither is the Riddler.”

 

Edward sucked in a breath and held it like a pebble. It dangled precariously over the edge of a cliff Ed so desperately wanted to take a leap of faith from. He had to exhale slowly through his nose because he knew he was going to say something he would regret if he opened his mouth for even a second. However, his other half had no such reservations.

 

“What is mine but only you can have?” The words rolled off his tongue involuntarily

 

Oswald cocked his head to the side and considered the answer. After a moment he spoke, “I give up.”

 

“D-doesn't matter.” Edward stood up and began digging through a box of rations. He needed to change the subject, “You should eat something.”

 

Oswald, having no fight left in him and still slightly drunk, just shrugged. He wasn't hungry but he knew Edward wouldn't allow him to go the entire day without eating something. Though, it turned out neither one of them was particularly hungry. Ed had barely touched his meal. Oswald had only eaten the small block of shortbread. And only because Edward had threatened to hold him down and force-feed it to him.

 

“You know shortbread was originally an expensive luxury food? In 12th century Scotland, it was often reserved for special occasions. Holidays, weddings...” Ed rambled

 

“And now the United States government hands it out as mass-produced food ration in times of disaster.” Oswald chuckled, “Oh, how times have changed!”

 

“That they have.” Ed sighed.

 

“My mother used to bake me shortbread.” He smiled at the memory, “Though she added dark chocolate and sea salt to her recipe. When we could afford it, that is.”

 

“Sounds like a nice memory.” Ed smiled. His own mother had her own recipe for shortbread that included jam and occasionally nuts. He swallowed down the invasive memory and gave his head a shake. He hadn't thought about his parents in _years_ and he wasn't about to start doing that now.

 

“It is...” Oswald fought back against the melancholy by shoveling the lukewarm tomatoey mixture of his food ration into his mouth. Ed did much the same. They both shared a mutual look of dissatisfaction.

 

“This food is awful.” Oswald gulped

 

“It really is.” Ed laughed

 

“Luckily, I'm not really hungry.” Oswald threw the remainder of his food into the wastebasket before Ed could stop him, “I think I'm going to turn in early tonight.” Oswald stood and began walking towards the stairs,” Adieu.”

 

“You have no depth perception, Oswald.” Ed appeared beside him and slid a hand up his back which made the both of them shiver, “I'd rather you not fall down the stairs.”

 

Oswald rolled his eyes but allowed Ed to help. It kept him busy and Oswald didn't mind the attention. He didn't have to keep up appearances around Ed so allowing himself to be vulnerable wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It had been a welcomed change of pace. It also reminded him of just how much trust he placed in Edward's hands. Now, if he could only get the riddle man to place even a little bit of faith in Oswald, it would be just like it was before.

 

“Goodnight, Oswald.” Edward turned to leave the room after helping Oswald to the bed

 

“No. Stay with me tonight.” Oswald's demand was soft but firm. He stared at the taller man, unblinking.

 

“Oh. Don't worry about me. I'm not leaving anywhere tonight-”

 

“You haven't slept in days, Ed. I want to know for certain that you've gotten some rest so either I'm going to stay up all night and watch over you or you are going to stay here with me.”

 

“Here? Meaning?”

 

Oswald patted the mattress next to him, “It'll be just like old times. Like when we briefly shared that tiny apartment all those years ago.”

 

“You're just going to follow me down the hall if I leave, aren't you?”

 

“Yup.” Oswald seemed proud at his declaration

 

Ed pinched the bridge of his nose before angrily kicking off his shoes and rolling onto the bed like a stiff piece of driftwood. Oswald did much the same but with slightly more grace. Or, at least as much grace as an injured penguin could have. Their backs were turned and they stared at the patches of darkness on the opposite sides of the big room. After about an hour of shared silence, they rolled over and faced one another. Ed had to keep himself from gasping as a sliver of moonlight caught Oswald's stormy blue eye. He always admired the color. Ed just hoped that he was concealed well enough in the darkness that his love-struck expression hadn't betrayed him.

 

“You're not sleeping.” Oswald huffed

 

“I'm not tired.”

 

Oswald arched an eyebrow. Edward sulked. He had hoped Oswald had been bluffing and would soon fall asleep, allowing for Ed to sneak out and climb into his own bed. He should have known that Oswald wasn't going to give up that easily.

 

“Do you still have nightmares?” Oswald asked. He recalled Edward having the occasional night terror and then having difficulty sleeping the following night. Sometimes, it would stretch on for several days before Edward would just collapse from exhaustion.

 

“Sometimes.” Ed replied, “I'm worried I'll wake you if I do.”

 

“Well, if that happens, I'll just have to take care of you.” Oswald scrunched up his nose and playfully stroked Ed's cheek. It had been innocent enough and Oswald hadn't thought of it as anything other than that. However, when he attempted to pull his hand away, Edward had placed his hand on top. Warmth pooled from his chest and down to his extremities. Like filling a glass to the brim.

 

“Ed... what's the answer to that riddle?” he asked, his voice shaking

 

“What riddle?”

 

“ _What is mine but only you can have?_ ” he repeated

 

“Oh... that riddle. It's not important.”

 

“Yes, it is.”

 

“No, it's not.”

 

“Why are you being so damn stubborn?” Oswald chuckled

 

“I don't know. Why are you?”

 

Oswald sighed, “You _do_ realize you are still holding my hand.”

 

“...Oh.” Ed's fingers twitched. Having Oswald's hand on his face had seemed so natural, he had actually forgotten about it.

 

“Can I have it back?” Oswald's irritation was obvious in the way his voice cracked

 

“Yes.” he cleared his throat, “Of course.”

 

Edward forced his eyes shut and rolled back over away from Oswald. He eventually loses his battle with exhaustion and falls asleep...

 

He's on the pier.

 

Oswald is facing him and it's snowing. His eyes are so blue they freeze Ed on sight. Ice crystals start to form at his feet and lock him in place. He begs for Oswald to forgive him as he is slowly encased in a mausoleum of ice. His heart breaks as he watches Oswald's face dance through a myriad of violent expressions: Revulsion. Anger. Hate. Boredom. Blood is flowing freely from the wounds around his eye and a gunshot wound just below his heart. Ed is fully encased in the ice now. Unable to move but still able to think. Forced to observe every aching moment. Oswald reaches out and shoves him off of the pier and into the unforgiving water below. He looks up at Oswald's blank and loveless eyes as he sinks like a stone to the bottom of the river.

 

His eyes flutter open in the darkness. There is a warmth on the back of his neck and Oswald his humming a familiar tune.

 

Apparently, he hadn't been lying when he said he would take care of Ed if he found himself plagued by nightmares in the middle of the night. It takes Edward a moment to realize that the warmth that keeps creeping up and down his spine is Oswald's breathing. Ed shutters with each exhale. His bones vibrate as Oswald hums his favorite lullaby.

 

His body moves on its own as he turns over to face Oswald. Oswald hitched a breath at the sudden closeness. It hadn't occurred to him how intimate the gesture must have been until Ed was facing him. Their lips were very close now. Their pupils blown wide in the moonlight.

 

“Are- are you okay?” Oswald manages to ask

 

“Yes. Just... just a nightmare, Oswald. Go back to sleep.” Ed's voice had an edge of panic to it

 

“Right.”

 

Edward and Oswald slowly broke away from each other and turned their attention to the darkened ceiling. The moonlight crept through a small part in the curtain and formed a harsh line between them. A visible barrier that they dared not cross. The air was suddenly thick. Neither wanted to go back to sleep.

 

“I used to have nightmares a lot when I was young.” Oswald reminisced, “My mother would always rub my back and sing to me until I went back to sleep.”

 

“My mother did the same. Though she was a terrible singer.” Ed recalled with a nostalgic fondness, “Her musical ability was limited to the piano.”

 

“Was she the one who taught you to play?” he asked

 

“No... she never got the chance to.” Ed's face fell. He turned to look at Oswald in the moonlight. Maybe it was because of the lighting or the paleness of his skin or the tired expression caused by his injury, but Oswald looked _so_ much younger. His hair was feathery and his freckles were like painted stars across the canvas of his nose.

 

Oswald obviously had questions but was resisting the urge to actually voice them. The last time Edward had mentioned his family, it was during Oswald's time as mayor. Ed was in charge of helping organize a Christmas charity event and Oswald had made the mistake of asking if Ed wanted to invite any of his family. Ed had practically yelled at him and warned him to never ask about his family ever again.

 

Edward sighed and then propped his head up. His bony elbow digging into the downy pillow, “Did I ever tell you why I started working in forensics?”

 

“I assumed it was because of your love of puzzles.”

 

“That's part of it. Yes.” he said, “I originally wanted to be a concert pianist.”

 

“What made you change your mind?”

 

“My mother was murdered.”

 

“Oh.” Oswald's eyes widened in shock. It seemed he and Ed had more in common than he had previously realized, “Did they find the killer?”

 

“Yes. I did.” Ed sucked in a breath, “It was my father.”

 

“W-What? Why would he do such a horrible thing?” Oswald's rage was evident by the pitch shift in his voice

 

“Because he was a horrible person.” Edward chocked back a sob, “He was abusive. To me and my mother... I came home from school one day and found her bleeding on the floor in the kitchen.”

 

“Oh my God... Ed, that's... that's absolutely terrible.”

 

“My father got away with it. Spent all of the life insurance money on booze.”

 

“But you caught him?”

 

“I did.” Edward smiled widely at the memory, “As an intern, I got access to the GCPD case library- well, I _gave_ myself access. I picked the lock. Solving it hadn't been hard. I had known he was guilty for years... I just couldn't prove it.” Ed smiled contently, “But now, thanks to me, that bastard is rotting in a cell at Blackgate.”

 

“Good riddance.” he smiled, “Perhaps, when Gotham City has been restored to her former glory, we can pay him a visit and slit his throat.”

 

“That sounds nice.” Ed laughed

 

“Edward, I am so, _so_ sorry. All this time... I've talked about my mother non-stop. I never realized...”

 

“It's fine. Honestly, I love listening to you talk about Gertrude.” he smiled.

 

“What was your mother like?”

 

“Kind. Too kind. She let my father walk all over her.” he scoffed, “But she was also one of the strongest people I knew. When my father turned his aggression on me, she was always willing to stand up to him and sacrifice her own well being for me.”

 

_Love is about sacrifice._

 

The words hung in the room. Unspoken. A decades-old jigsaw puzzle finally coming together.

 

“Miss Kringle was a lot like her in appearance.” Ed admitted, “It's probably why I was so drawn to her...” Ed suddenly hitched his breath, “And it's probably why I hurt her.”

 

“Ed.” Oswald placed his hand on Ed's cheek again. But, this time, with a sense of reassurance rather than playfulness, “You are nothing like that man.”

 

“You don't know that. You've never met him.”

 

“But I know _you_ , Ed.” he ran the pad of his thumb along Ed's cheek and prayed Ed wouldn't swat his hand away.

 

“Do you?” Ed's gaze pierced through the dark and his voice was pitched low and gravely, “I butchered Officer Dougherty. Not because I had to but because he reminded me of _him_. A brute. Preyed upon people weaker than himself. Said women needed a _firm hand._ I could have stopped stabbing him... but I didn't. Because all I could see was him. I had to save Kristen from him.” Edward leaned in close to Oswald's face. They were practically breathing the same intake of air, “...and I _strangled_ her, Oswald. Because I didn't want her to leave.”

 

Oswald couldn't move. He had heard all of this before but this... was different. This was context. This was _clarity_. It was a rawness Oswald hadn't been privy to before. It was a darkness he always knew was there but this was the first time Ed had talked about it and it had startled him.

 

“I killed Miss Kringle. That side of my self- that other half- took her away from me! Just like my father took away my mother.”

 

“Just like how I took away Isabella.” Oswald's bluntness made both their hearts stop. It was a subject they had tiptoed around since they had reunited and, if Oswald was honest, it was something he hadn't wanted to discuss. But... here they were.

 

“Yes.” Ed admitted

 

Oswald's resolve broke. He was actively crying and trembling now. It had been like the flip of a switch, “How can you possibly forgive me for something so terrible?! I- I really don't understand. It doesn't make sense...”

 

Edward watched Oswald shake and cry. Blood started to soak through his bandages. Suddenly he was back in that nightmare. Trapped in ice. But this was a crypt of his own making, however. The only person keeping Ed's heart locked up was himself. Realizing that it was better to let those walls crumble than allow himself to hurt Oswald further, he decided it was his turn to lose his resolve.

 

“If you break me, I don't stop working. If you touch me, I am snared. Locked in a cage but can be easily stolen. What am I?”

 

“A heart.” Oswald continued to cry, “I broke your heart. I already know that.”

 

“No, Os. That's... that's not what I meant.”

 

“What? I don't understand?”

 

“You told me to follow my heart. So I did.” he sighed, “What is mine but only you can have?”

 

“Your heart?” Oswald answered and then immediately shook his head in confusion, “You don't mean that.”

 

“I love you, Oswald.” Ed took a moment to consider whether that was him or his other half that made him say it. Truthfully, it didn't matter. He couldn't stand the thought of Oswald thinking he hated him. So he would assure him it was most certainly the opposite.

 

“You what?” Oswald stopped crying almost immediately. His face a blur of fear and confusion.

 

“It's why I forgive you.”

 

“That's... not healthy.” Oswald gave a nervous chuckle

 

“I am well aware.” Ed rolled his eyes. _Still a psychopathic serial killer,_ he chastised himself

 

“We are certainly a pair, you and I.” Oswald smiled sadly. He was crying again but it was a different sort of cry, “I love you too, Edward.”

 

“I know.” Ed replayed the events of that day. He had been for most of the evening. The way Oswald looked at him with that same scalding admiration he had years ago had been a knife twisting at his heart this whole time. It took Ed a while to let it all sink in but he eventually solved the riddle. Rather, he had allowed himself to accept the answer.

 

“So what happens now?” Oswald threw his arms in the air in defeat. All of that hiding and barricading of hearts to keep them both safe had been for nothing.

 

“I don't know.” Ed admitted. He was starting to gnaw at the raw skin around one of his fingernails.

 

Oswald sighed, “We should get some sleep.” he squeezed Ed's shoulder, “You especially. But, you don't have to stay in here... If you don't want to.”

 

 _But I want to stay_ , Ed thought. He didn't want to sound as desperate as he felt. He still had reservations about this whole situation. He told Oswald that he loved him but he wasn't ready for anything beyond that. He couldn't be. Neither one of them could be. It would be their downfall. But he still couldn't peel himself away from that bed. It was already warm. And it was next to Oswald. So, instead, he just rolled over and buried his head under the blanket.

 

“Goodnight, Edward.”

 

Edward felt the ghost of fingers through the blanket. They were so light, he might not have noticed them under different circumstances. Oswald had wanted to touch him. To comfort him in that moment but decided not to.

 

 _Tomorrow_ , Ed thought, _Just make it to tomorrow..._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this will all have a happy ending.
> 
> Our boys just need to stop acting so dumb.


	4. Sinking Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the most difficult chapter to write. I seriously scrapped it and re-wrote it so many times that I've lost count... 
> 
> This chapter was originally named after "Me & The Minibar" by Amanda Palmer but I changed it to "Sinking Man" by Of Monsters and Men because it was a better fit after the rewrite.

_“Cold, dark sea_  
_Wrapping its arms around me,_  
_Pulling me down to the deep._  
_All eyes on me._

_I pushed you away_  
_Although I wished you could stay._  
_So many words left unsaid,_  
_But I'm all out of breath.”_

_-Sinking Man (Of Monsters and Men)_

 

 

They both awoke several times in the night. Their arms instinctively reaching out for the other to make sure they were still there before falling back asleep. Which is why, when Edward's eyes fluttered open that afternoon, he had panicked when he found that the spot beside him was cold.

 

“Oswald?!” Ed flung the covers off of him and sprinted to the door. He nearly tripped over his own feet in the process, “Oswald!” He yelled out into the hall. When he didn't hear any response he clamored down the stairs and into the main hall.

 

Ed spun around the room so frantically, he had made himself dizzy.

 

_Empty._

 

The manor was just a hollow, broken shell of what it used to be. It was no longer filled with hurried appointments with politicians and constituents. There was no familiar echo of a cane on the hardwood floors. Nor the sound of Oswald singing when he thought no one was listening. All of that was gone. It was oppressively cold now and smells of blood and bleach.

 

“Dammit.” Ed gritted his teeth and cursed himself for screwing up his chances at being beside Oswald- in whatever capacity he was allowed. He supposed this was what he deserved. Oswald had been the one pining for Ed in the beginning. There was a time when he even threatened to burn down all of Gotham for Ed's sake. But, when given the opportunity to watch its buildings crumble and the streets smolder, Oswald abandoned him. Ed had so selfishly assumed that Oswald would just follow him to the ends of the earth that he had been genuinely confused by Oswald leaving him with the submarine. Now, Edward was the one chasing after the Penguin. Not in the same way he did when he was still with the GCPD. This wasn't innocent infatuation and curiosity. This was a longing for completeness.

 

“Stupid! _Stupid!_ ” he yelled at the empty room

 

The Riddler may have always been there trapped at the back of Ed's mind but he was molded into the thing it would become that day he shot Oswald. That monster had been carefully cultivated into something Gotham would eventually despise. It was who he was _without_ the Penguin. But Ed rejected that version of himself now. Denying the Edward Nygma side of his psyche had been a disservice and clouded his mind with hubris. He had allowed himself to be captured by the Court of Owls for Christ's sake!

 

The Riddler had decided that he was incomplete without Ed. And there was certainly no Edward Nygma without the Penguin.

 

But he had ruined all of that now.

 

Or, so he thought until he heard the front door open. Ed spun around on his heels and saw Oswald walking towards him. He was limping more than normal. This particular outing had been the first in a few days and so Oswald had no doubt overexerted himself. Oswald gave Ed a once over and then locked eyes with him. He gave Edward a reassuring nod of his head. One that communicated the words ' _Calm down. I'm here now.'_ without it having to be spoken aloud.

 

“Apologies. I was held up by our dear old friends at the GCPD.” Oswald answered the obvious question that lingered in the room

 

“Did they arrest you?” Ed was suddenly furious. Had Jim Gordon arrived and taken Oswald away without Ed noticing? Ed had never been much of a heavy sleeper so the idea troubled him. Maybe that was a side-effect of Hugo Strange's meddling.

 

“No.” He waved his hand dismissively, “I went to pay Jim Gordon a visit.”

 

“Why did you need to talk to that ignoramus?” Ed hadn't meant to sound jealous. He knew that Oswald and Jim Gordon had some kind of relationship. Though the nature of that relationship remained a mystery to Ed.

 

“To offer assistance with the relief effort. Or to at least make it look like I gave a damn.” Oswald sat on the sofa and propped his stiff leg out beside him. He flinched as he forced his ankle into an uncomfortable stretch, “I also wanted to see for myself if those rumors were true.”

 

“And?” Ed raised an eyebrow

 

“Reunification should be complete in a few short weeks. Wayne Enterprises has apparently donated a considerable amount of money to repair the bridges. Afterward, Jim Gordon will be named Commissioner.” Oswald rolled his eyes, “And Gotham City will have a new mayor. Hooray.”

 

“You aren't planning on running for that position yourself?” Ed was only half joking

 

“God, no!” Oswald chuckled, “I was a terrible mayor.”

 

“How so?” Ed flashed a smile. He thought they had made a pretty good team during Oswald's time in office. Oswald genuinely did some good for his beloved city. He even went so far as to launder his own personal funds and use it to repair schools and rebuild infrastructure. Crime had been at an all-time low! Granted, that was because he and Oswald had controlled the criminal underground and created pockets of safety for 'sanctioned' criminals to go about their business undisturbed. It was the perfect illusion of safety for the people of Gotham.

 

Oswald replied with a sad smile. He didn't want to admit that he had been completely lost without Ed. Oswald was a skilled strategist but Edward was a scalpel. His tactical skills and precision in solving whatever problem Oswald threw at him was practically seduction. He had been the one to keep the machine running while Oswald poured his heart and soul out onto the streets of Gotham. Without Edward by his side, Oswald had to rely on luck and quick thinking but it wasn't sustainable. Despite his penchant for pushing people away, Oswald was more powerful when he had an ally. And Edward had been the best of them.

 

“I could never win them over as I did before. Too much has happened since then.” said Oswald

 

“I don't think it would be too difficult. You're easy to fall in love with.” Ed swallowed at how that must have sounded.

 

“If only that were true.” Oswald scoffed, “They loved the facade. No one really saw me for who I was.”

 

“I saw you.” Ed reassured him

 

“You did.” Oswald looked up at him, “You saw me for the selfish man that I am and it destroyed us.”

 

Edward held a breath and considered how to answer, “Life begins anew.”

 

Oswald's eyes widened as his own words echoed back to him. He nodded his head, “That it does.” They both smiled. Oswald cleared his throat, “So, where do we go from here?”

 

“Um...” Ed was rapidly calculating the best response. A part of him had wanted to pick up where they left off last night but, truth be told, he was afraid to. A relationship between them was too risky. Too easily exploited. More importantly, Edward didn't trust himself. He was destined to hurt the people he loved. A romance with the Penguin would only end in tragedy. But, that didn't stop him from wanting it.

 

“Ed?”

 

“Uh huh?” Ed responded nervously

 

“If we are to rebuild our empire from Gotham's ashes, we need to know where to start.”

 

 _Oh... that's what he meant._ Ed adjusted his glasses, “We'll need allies. And a base of operations.”

 

“Isn't that what the manor is for?”

 

“Yes... No. Not exactly.” Ed was rapid firing his answers. Clearly nervous. He felt like a layer of him had been peeled away and suddenly he was Ed Nygma again. Not the Riddler. Not whatever it was they were in combination.

 

“Is this a riddle?”

 

“No... No.” he breathed, “Getting the manor back to you was more of... an apology.”

 

“I see.” Oswald smiled fondly at him and then stood up. He walked over to Edward's desk and retrieved the piece of paper he was looking for and handed it to Edward, “In that case, how do you feel about reopening the Iceberg Lounge?”

 

* * *

 

They spent the remainder of the day hashing out their plans. The next several weeks were going to be exceedingly busy. Plans for the new Iceberg Lounge were already underway. That part was solid. Now all they needed to do was fill the power vacuum of the criminal underground. Luckily for them, Lee had no intentions of moving her territory beyond that of the Narrows and Barbara Kean seemed to be turning over a new leaf now that she was a mother.

 

The other villains of Gotham, according to Oswald's recollection of them, had no real desire for power. Only resources. So, the Penguin and the Riddler would be happy to supply them with whatever they needed...so long as they pledged fealty. Oswald had rattled off a series of names that Ed only partially recognized. Jonathan Crane and Jervis Tetch were easy enough to remember. But names like Ivy Pepper, Jill Hampton, and the Kabuki Twins didn't ring any bells.

 

As the night went on, their conversations became more casual. It was something neither of them had realized they missed until then. This past year, Ed had been trying to piece together his own whereabouts and the mystery that led him to destroy Haven. The rest of that time he had been so hyper-focused on completing the submarine that he hadn't really stopped to enjoy Oswald's company.

 

“I missed this.” Ed confessed

 

“Me too.”

 

Edward decided now was as good a time as any to ask about something he had been curious about since reuniting with Oswald, “How bad is the scar?”

 

“Hm?”

 

“The one on your...” Ed let his voice trail. He didn't have to finish his sentence for Oswald to know what he was referring to.

 

“Oh. That.” Oswald hesitantly lifted his shirt and revealed the dimpled flesh on his abdomen. It was a deeper wound than Ed had anticipated. Practically a _hole_. The person who had tended to the wound hadn't had any sort of medical training. Oswald knew Ed had been curious about it, “I don't remember much... After I woke up, Ivy told me that she had pulled me from the river. She wasn't much of a doctor but she made up for it with her remarkable botany skills.”

 

Oswald blathered on about his time spent with the red-headed teen. Ed's interest was peaked as Oswald described the green, slimy, paste that had been applied to the wound and the yet-to-be-identified earthy liquid that had been hooked into a makeshift IV. The strange medicine had stabilized his vitals almost immediately and fused broken bone and damaged organs. Ed made a mental note to make tracking her down a priority. Her skills would certainly come in handy if Oswald got hurt again.

 

Edward's thoughts wandered away from him. He thought back to all of the times he had hurt Oswald. Tricking him into confessing his feelings. Desecrating his father's remains. The pier. His thoughts settled on the day when Oswald had practically tackled him when he arrived several hours too late for dinner. How scared he had been at the idea that Ed had been taken from him for even a few short hours. Well, _twelve_ hours wasn't exactly short. Ed lamented the fact that he was cursed with a nearly photographic memory. The look on Oswald's face that moment Ed told him that he had met someone and was in love was permanently etched into his mind. Oswald had looked so hurt and confused. Wounded and lonely.

 

“ _What more could someone ask for?”_

 

“ _Someone to share it with...”_

 

“Where did you go?” Oswald's voice broke him from his daydream

 

“Hm?”

 

“You were lost in thought.”

 

“I can bring tears to your eyes and resurrect the dead. I form in an instant and last a lifetime.” Ed repeated a riddle he knew Oswald would remember

 

“We do have some good memories, don't we?.” Oswald smiled and then furrowed his brow, “And plenty of bad ones.”

 

The expression the bird wore broke Ed. Emotions weren't exactly Ed's forte- that had always been Oswald's area of expertise. He was overwhelmed with guilt and an incautious need to assure his best friend that he was loved. His emotions got the better of him and forced him to walk on a bed of coals.

 

“After that day on the pier... I was so incredibly lost. I wasn't sleeping. I was taking drugs. I was-”

 

“I'm sorry... you were doing _what?_ ” Oswald's good eye nearly rolled to the back of his head

 

Ed cleared his throat, “Um... Well...”

 

“Drugs, Eddie? Really?!” he scoffed, “Nothing _too_ indulgent, I hope.”

 

Ed made a face.

 

Oswald shook his head in disappointment, “And you have the nerve to scold me for my drinking.”

 

“I'm not exactly proud of it.” Ed pursed his lips in frustration. He knew Oswald didn't have a high opinion of heavy drugs. Growing up in an impoverished neighborhood left him with some not-so-fond memories. Not to mention his time spent unfortunately working alongside some rather repugnant drug lords.

 

“I should say so!” Oswald laughed, “A brilliant mind like yours and you do something so brainless. You could have died.”

 

“I almost did.” Ed confessed. Oswald's mouth hung open. Edward placed a hand on Oswald's shoulder to keep him steady, “Sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“I... um...” Edward struggled to find the words. He didn't know how to tell him that one day he was so desperate to see Oswald but the hallucination kept dissolving away. So he kept taking more of the hallucinogenic mixture he had powdered into capsules. His desire for Oswald had outweighed the value of his own life then. He had lost count of the number of pills he had consumed and woke up hours later in a cold sweat and a relentless ringing in his ears. He should have died. He was even happy to do so but fate had other plans.

 

“You don't still...” Oswald's voice trailed

 

“No.” he stared at the floor, “I threw them away.”

 

“Good.” Oswald swallowed. After a moment he spoke again, “Ed... if you don't want to talk about it, I understand. But, if this is something that could come up in the future, I need to know.”

 

“It won't, Oswald. I promise.”

 

Oswald nodded his head. But then a tear streaked down his cheek, “I don't understand how you can possibly forgive me for Isabella.”

 

Ed flinched at the name, “I just did. Simple as that.”

 

“But I hurt you. So much so that you resorted to drug use-”

 

“-I didn't take them because of Isabella.”

 

“Then why did you?”

 

Ed steeled himself and licked his dry lips out of nervous habit, “When I thought you were gone... I resorted to horrible things. _Insane_ things, I later realized.” a memory of his conversation with Foxy replayed in his head, “It had all just been a desperate attempt to replace you... to hold onto you a little bit longer. The drugs allowed me to see you again.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“When I was under the influence... I saw things.”

 

“Oh.” Oswald decided not to probe any further. He figured if Ed wanted to talk about it more, he would do so on his own time. Oswald didn't want to pry and cause any sort of relapse. He had seen what it did to other people and couldn't bear to watch his dearest friend have to fight that uphill battle. He smiled, “Well, I'm here now.”

 

“You are. Hence why I don't need the drugs.” Ed laughed at his own past misery

 

But Oswald's face fell, “You were upset when I came home.” he said, “Did you think I had left?”

 

Edward's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, “I did.”

 

“And, if I didn't return for some reason... would you have resorted to the drugs again?”

 

Ed looked at his friend. Almost offended. But he had to consider the answer seriously. He wasn't sure how to answer. He wanted to believe that he wouldn't need the drugs again but an aching in his chest told him that that was probably a lie. Oswald sighed.

 

“Ed... I need you to make another promise to me.”

 

“Yes. Anything.” Ed was a blur of nervousness and enthusiasm

 

“Whatever happens... whether something happens to me or I have to go away or if for _any_ reason we are forced to go our separate ways, you _have_ to promise me that you won't do something that reckless ever again.” Oswald's mouth was a straight line and his jaw was clenched, “Don't let my sacrifices be for nothing.”

 

Ed couldn't help but stare at the bandage on Oswald's eye when he answered, “I promise.”

 

 _Oh dear_ , Edward thought. When he had confessed his feelings to Oswald, he knew that they would be reciprocated. Everything about the way Oswald talked to him and looked at him made it easy enough to decipher. But, he hadn't anticipated his own desire to pursue it. He had opened a door and been hit with a backdraft that he couldn't escape from.

 

The air had shifted considerably. Their reminiscing had been disrupted by Ed's incessant need to quench his curiosity. He didn't have to bring up Isabella. He didn't have to talk about that day on the pier. They could have gone the rest of their lives never mentioning it again.

 

“That's a lie and you know it.” His hallucination scoffed from the corner of the room, “Talking about her was inevitable.”

 

Edward glared as Not-So-Dumb Ed glided across the room and ghosted a hand on Oswald's shoulder. Ed hissed at the way Oswald unknowingly leaned into the touch. His hallucination smiled fondly at the bird and then looked up at Ed with dark brown eyes.

 

“Since we've already opened that door, we might as well tell him everything. Get it out of our system. What do you say?” His hallucination smiled, “What's the worst that could happen?”

 

_He could reject us._

 

“He said he loved us.”

 

_That doesn't mean he wants to be with us!_

 

“Maybe he just needs some extra convincing?” his hallucination sat down on the sofa next to Oswald and draped an arm around his shoulder

 

 _We're not going to manipulate Oswald._ Ed narrowed his eyes

 

“We're not manipulating him. We're just telling him the truth. The whole truth.” his hallucination laughed, “Isn't that what our doctor said? We can't keep suppressing those thoughts. It's how you ended up with _me_ in the first place.”

 

“Edward? What are you staring at-”

 

“-You were right, you know? I would have killed her.” Ed finally spoke

 

“You don't know that.” Oswald shook his head, “I said those things to you in anger. You very well could have been happy. Married. Maybe even a couple of kids.”

 

“Please, Oswald.” Ed stifled a laugh, “You know that I'm not suited for that kind of life.”

 

“Perhaps you're not.” he smiled sadly, “But, we'll never know that for sure.”

 

“It's not too late.” Not-So-Dumb Ed whispered in Flustered Ed's ear before disappearing to the back of his mind.

 

“It's true that I saw Isabella as my second chance with Kristen. It was a chance to be that kind of man. To have that idyllic life in the suburbs. And then you killed her.” Ed spoke aloud, not entirely meaning to.

 

Oswald's breathing became erratic but he remained silent.

 

“And I was angry... Obviously... and then...” Ed hitched his breath, “I killed you. And I hated myself for it. Watching you sink into the water reminded me of how I felt after I killed Miss Kringle.” he inched closer to Oswald, “Seeing you alive... _that_ was my second chance. Not Isabella. _You_.” Ed took the risk and placed his hand on Oswald's cheek. When Oswald didn't protest, he continued, “It seemed fate had different plans for me.”

 

“I thought you couldn't love a spoiled child like me?” Oswald, in an attempt to regain control of the situation, spit Ed's words back at him and removed Ed's hand from his face.

 

“I was wrong. Apparently.” Ed stated matter of factly

 

They were interrupted by the sound of the newly restored grandfather clock. Ed had stolen some books on clock making from the library and had managed to repair the antique. It was just one of many projects around the mansion that Ed had on his to-do list. Oswald had once told him that his father, Elijah, had told him to leave the mansion as it was. It had been in the Van Dahl family for multiple generations and hadn't changed much since they had broken ground. Which is why it bothered Oswald to no end that he wasn't able to keep his promise to his late father. Between Sofia Falcone and the squatters, some of the items around the mansion had been displaced or broken. So Ed decided he would fix it as best he could.

 

“I believe that is our queue to retire for the evening.” Oswald stood up and smoothed the non-existent wrinkles from his waistcoat

 

“May I join you?” Ed asked. His throat was thickly coated with an emotion he dared not name.

 

Oswald considered it, “Will it help you sleep?”

 

“I think so.”

 

* * *

 

Oswald had decided to take a bath before bed which left Edward alone to contemplate the war raging in his gut.

 

“God... what am I doing?” Ed rubbed at his eyes. He couldn't stop the cyclone of 'what if' scenarios that plagued his mind. Somewhere along the line, Ed had made an unconscious decision to pursue the Penguin.

 

“He was right. We are stronger together.” His hallucination was perched on the end of the bed, “I can't be the only one here who thinks that being more than just friends or business partners is worth it.”

 

“Being with Oswald will only get him hurt. And he knows that which is why he's been pushing us away.”

 

“He's sharing a bed with us, you dummy!” His hallucination yelled

 

“That doesn't mean anything. It's just to help us sleep.”

 

“Denial doesn't look attractive on you.”

 

Ed glared at his hallucination.

 

“In all seriousness...” Not-So-Dumb Ed furrowed his brows, “Contemplating a relationship with Oswald is probably one of our more dangerous invasive thoughts. If we're going to leave, we should just do it. No sense stringing him along. We know what that does to a person.”

 

He heard the unmistakable sound of Oswald's gait down the hallway. Edward palmed his eyes so hard it hurt. His vision was too blurry to really make out all of Oswald's features as he entered to room and for that he was grateful. He was already flustered and his less-than-subtle half plagued his mind with thoughts about Oswald he had wanted to suppress.

 

“Ed?” Oswald asked. His voice small.

 

Ed rolled over. His vision had finally cleared and he could see the tell-tale signs that Oswald had been crying.

 

“What's wrong?” Ed asked tentatively

 

Oswald was quiet for far too long. He was clearly trying to keep from crying again. Almost on queue, the sky split apart and it started to rain.

 

It often rained when he was sad. Edward knew it was just coincidence but the thought of Oswald having some kind of supernatural connection with the city was certainly compelling. Oswald was Gotham. And Gotham _was_ Oswald. When Oswald was sick, Gotham was sick. When Gotham was a war zone, The Penguin had emerged as a cold autocratic monarch. Unnecessarily cruel and unforgiving just like the streets of the war-torn Gotham.

 

If Edward was in love with Oswald, he would have to love Gotham in turn. He would have to embrace Gotham and all of its eccentricities. But, he wasn't sure how to do that. Or if he even could. Gotham had given him an abusive murderer for a father. It had taken away his mother. It had bullied him and left him with nothing for so long. It had given him Kristen... but then he killed her because of the poison the city had pumped into his veins. It had given him Isabella but then took that away from him too. It had given him Lee, very briefly, but she had just been using him. The only thing this miasmic city had given him was Oswald... and they had tried to kill each other.

 

Ed was volatile. Like a vial of corrosive chemicals that could explode when shaken. Oswald knew he would have to approach the subject with care.

 

“What is this, Ed?” Oswald choked, “What are we? I need to know.”

 

Ed swallowed “I can't exactly define it.”

 

“Then can I?” Oswald asked. When he didn't receive an answer he continued with, “Or are we better off unencumbered?”

 

“We are.” Ed spoke with the same voice he had all those years ago.

 

 _I. Don't. Love. You._ echoed through the halls like a ghost.

 

“You regret it... don't know?” Oswald sniffled, “Telling me that you loved me.”

 

Edward said nothing

 

“It's alright, Ed. I'll allow you to take it back. No strings attached.” he smiled, “Nothing has to change.”

 

“Oswald...” Ed wanted desperately to turn back time on the conversation. To start over. But maybe this was best? He always said that the Riddler was who he was meant to be. Perhaps this was just another obstacle?

 

Yes. Of course it was. He was a fool to think that he and Oswald could have any sort of life together. Oswald needed to embrace being the Penguin and Edward had been holding him back, “I... uhm.... I have to leave.”

 

“What? Where are you going?”

 

“Doesn't matter.” Edward rolled out of bed and grabbed the last of his things and fled into the hall. _Go. Get out of here._ He sprinted down the stairs.

 

“Ed! Please, don't leave!”

 

_Don't turn around. Don't look at him._

 

He could feel Oswald standing behind him. This was for the best. If he stayed around any longer he would just make more mistakes. He was just a weakness that could be exploited. He could hurt Oswald. This was what he had to do. For both their sakes.

 

So he opened the door to the Van Dahl manor one last time and walked out into the rain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be the final one for this story. BUT I do have a series planned that will take place after this one! I've honestly been anxious to post it but I wanted to finish this one first.
> 
> Finale should be next week!


	5. Tastes Like Sympathy

_“I was once a child of God but then the devil kissed me_  
_He gave me fear, and he said my dear_  
_‘God will never miss thee’ …_

_...Take me back with open arms I know you can’t resist me_  
_My sweetest kiss, I tell you this:_  
_God, he didn’t miss me.”_

_-Tastes Like Sympathy (Birdeatsbaby)_

 

 

A week had passed.

 

The Penguin refused to fall apart at the seams. Though, that was proving to be more and more difficult. Especially since Edward's whereabouts were still a mystery.

 

Oswald was pleasantly surprised to discover that there were still communities within Gotham who were still loyal to the Penguin. His service at the barricade had apparently not gone unnoticed. It also helped that Oswald made frequent visits to the Green Zone and offered to help with the refugees even when Gordon didn't want him there. On one particular day, Gordon and Harvey Bullock had started escorting him off of the premises when a rather large group of bikers started a riot on the Penguin's behalf.

 

Many of them were desperate for job security and safety during Gotham's less-than-stellar transition. In exchange for these necessities and guaranteed jobs with benefits once Gotham was back on her feet, they helped clean up the streets in and around the Diamond District. It would be a while before the Iceberg Lounge re-opened but there was no point to the new location if the property value remained in shambles.

 

The lounge, much like an actual iceberg, was _much_ larger underneath the surface. Hidden under the first floor of the lounge was an expansive basement area and web of tunnels leading into different parts of Gotham's underbelly. Perfect for extra-curricular business meetings. It included space for a warehouse for smuggled merchandise, a bunker, a garage with unmarked cars, and honestly more room than the Penguin really knew what to do with. Ed, of course, had his own plans for what to do with the extra space. A science lab, a workshop for his various engineering projects... not like any of that mattered anymore.

 

Oswald removed the eyeglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. He had managed to locate a doctor to have the stitches removed. And, just like Ed had told him, there was minimal scarring. The eye itself was a different story. His iris had been discolored. It was now an icy blue that reminded him a lot of Fish Mooney. It also reminded him of Ed. Of his sacrifices for Edward- both physically and not. The pupil was deformed and permanently dilated. Daylight was torture. Any amount of harsh light often left him reeling from a migraine. The doctor had given him a set of glasses that doubled as an eyepatch but they were taking some getting used to.

 

He shuttered slightly as he spun around in his chair and faced his two henchmen. They were young and had been living on the streets long before the bridges blew. They were sisters, acrobats, and _very_ skilled with knives. They called their act 'The Kabuki Twins'. Oswald had done business with them before in exchange for bullets and food. They had seen what he was capable of and had quickly come to his side when reunification began. Unfortunately for Oswald, they weren't the most reliable scouts.

 

“Have you located Ivy Pepper?” he asked the younger of the two sisters

 

“We heard about a woman who's been living near some tunnels in Robinson Park. She fits your description close enough- Red hair, freaky good with plants...”

 

“And?” Oswald was growing impatient due to the lingering headache

 

“Yeeeeah, pretty sure she wants to be left alone. We keep sending our men out there and they never come back.”

 

Oswald rolled his eyes, “Fine. Whatever.” he rubbed at his temples, “So long as we have her location, we can at least keep tabs on her.” he sighed, “And what about Edward Nygma?” he turned his attention to the other sister.

 

“We've looked everywhere, boss. No one's seen him.” she answered

 

“He's probably skipped town.” The younger sister commented. She had a habit of voicing her opinion when it wasn't wanted.

 

“Yeah. Who would want to stay in this dump anyway?” they shared a laugh

 

“I would.” Oswald's good eye twitched. In the back of his mind, he could smell salt water and could hear Edward pleading for him not to leave.

 

He sent the sisters on their way and attempted to busy himself. He turned his attention to the bottle of whiskey and poured himself a glass. He stared out the window of what would soon be his office at the Iceberg Lounge.

 

“Amateurs.” he scoffed as he swiftly finished off his glass and poured another. He knew for a fact that Edward had not left town. Edward had a certain flair for getting himself into trouble. His obsession with puzzles often compelled him to leave a trail of bread crumbs that would inevitably lead to his capture. The bright green explosives that had been left at the antiquities museum had been an obvious calling card. Not to mention the riddles left at the library at Gotham University, the pharmacy, and countless others around the city. Oswald made a silent promise to follow Edward and burn any evidence that might incriminate the Riddler. If Edward didn't want to remain at his side, he would protect him from a distance.

 

His eyes widened when he saw a cop car pull up in front of the lounge. They widened even more when he saw the familiar rugged blonde. Jim Gordon looked up towards the window and gave a nod in Oswald's direction.

 

The lounge was mostly vacant. Just concrete walls and beams. It would be a while before the city was stable enough to hire contractors. So, in the meantime, it wasn't the most impressive structure. Oswald was more than a little annoyed that Jim Gordon had just waltzed through the front doors like he owned the place.

 

“Jim. To what do I owe this visit?”

 

Jim gave him a look that communicated he wasn't entirely comfortable with Oswald's friendly demeanor.

 

“Are you finally arresting me?” Oswald arched an eyebrow and contemplated pulling his gun out and just killing the man here and now

 

“No, Oswald. I'm not arresting you. Not yet.”

 

“Then why are you here?” Oswald's impatience with the future-commissioner was obvious

 

“Reunification will be finalized next week. Mayor Chang has asked that those of us who participated in the battle against Bane be present at City Hall when the announcement is made. She wants us to look good for the papers.” Jim stared at the floor, obviously annoyed by the invitation he was charged with delivering.

 

Oswald laughed, “Perfect. You can count on me to be there to embarrass you.”

 

“Where's Nygma?” Jim looked around the concrete building.

 

“Why do you need him?” Oswald concealed his panic. Had he missed something? Was there evidence he had forgotten and now the GCPD was looking for Edward?

 

“He's invited to.” Jim gave a fake smile

 

“Oh.” Oswald sighed in relief, “Well when I find out where he's run off to, I'll be sure to deliver your message.”

 

“You don't know where he is?” he tilted his head, “I thought you two were joined at the hip.”

 

“We're _not_. Obviously.” Oswald rolled his tongue over his teeth and shrugged his shoulders

 

“Trouble in paradise?” Jim raised an eyebrow

 

“Trouble in? I- I don't know what you're talking about.” Oswald could feel himself blushing

 

“I just always assumed that you and Nygma were... you know.”

 

“No, Jim.” Oswald held up a hand, “We weren't anything of the sort.” Oswald's tone betrayed him

 

“Is everything alright between you two?” Jim asked. Oswald wasn't entirely sure if his concern was genuine or not.

 

“What do you care?”

 

“I don't.” Jim said, “But if you two are at each other's throats again, I need to know.”

 

“I can assure you that Ed and I parted ways because... well, that's really none of your business.” Oswald grimaced, “No reason to worry that pretty little head of yours.”

 

“Uh huh...” Jim wasn't buying it

 

Oswald shifted his weight on his cane, “Ed just needs his space. That's all.”

 

“Right.” Jim gave an awkward smile, “Well, if I see him around, I'll be sure to tell him you miss him.”

 

“ _Don't_ , Jim.” he fumed, “We can't all have our cake and eat it too. Unlike you.” He shot him a poisonous look

 

Jim nodded and conceded the point, “See you next week, Oswald.”

 

Oswald waddled back to his office and fumbled with his tumbler of whiskey. On his desk was the map of Gotham Ed had been circling random locations on. Oswald had already checked all of the areas Ed had marked on the map.

 

“Dammit!” He slammed the glass onto the desk and stormed out of the office.

 

Oswald knew to keep his distance. Edward needed space and Oswald would give it to him... but he still wanted to keep an eye on him. This led Oswald to the small apartment above Cherry's. If you could even call the claustrophobic corridor an apartment.

 

Like with most things in the Narrows, Edward's old apartment was disheveled and grimy. The walls were made of crumbling concrete, exposed metal beams, and rusted steel siding. Oswald was thankful for the red leather gloves and his up-to-date tetanus shot. The mirror at the opposite end of the room looked like someone had thrown their fist through it. The spider web of fractaled glass and dried blood looked about Edward's eye-level.

 

Oswald turned his attention to the pile of pill bottles on the side table. Ed's name wasn't on any of the labels but Oswald knew they were his. The long forgotten horde of orange bottles contained an assortment of antipsychotics, anti-anxiety, mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, _heavy_ sedatives... There was a scale, mortar and pestle, and a box of empty dissolvable capsules on a shelf nearby.

 

The thought of Edward dead in a ditch somewhere plagued his mind. Oswald's only solace was when he uncovered one of those damned riddles. It at least let him know that Ed was still alive somewhere. But the uncertainty of it all was more than he could handle most nights.

 

Later that evening, while nursing a cheap and acidic bottle of red wine, Oswald took a bat to what used to be Ed's bedroom at the manor. His empty dresser, the antique wardrobe, the bed frame, even the floorboards met their demise at the hands of Penguin's tantrum. He hated the way the room still smelled of mint and oranges even though Edward hadn't actually slept in the room in years. As he sat on the bed and plunged a knife into the mattress over and over, he could have sworn he caught a whiff of Ed's aftershave. It made him retch and immediately regret his choice in wine.

 

He stumbled down the stairs and debated destroying the science experiment Ed had set up in one of the side rooms. The freeze gun he had acquired was expertly disassembled, meticulously labeled, and organized on the side table. Next to it were several large thermal canisters filled with chemicals. Edward had babbled on about superfluids and how he was going to reverse engineer the device. Oswald had only pretended to understand the science behind it when Edward had explained it to him. He had seemed so excited about it and Oswald honestly could have listened to him rattle off chemistry facts all day if it meant Ed was happy.

 

Before he realized it, Oswald had swung the bat at one of the pressurized metal canisters. The metallic clank echoed off the walls and made Oswald's teeth rattle. He hit it a few more times and screamed when the infernal thing wouldn't explode.

 

* * *

 

_Oh no no no no no no no_

 

Ed frantically looked around him for any evidence that he might have made a huge mistake. When he found none he applied pressure to the pulse point on his neck and rolled up his sleeves to check for any offending marks or bruising. Everything seemed normal aside from the writing on his arm.

 

_What gets broken without being held?_

 

“A promise.” Ed whispered to himself. It was a simple riddle. One he didn't have to particularly think about in order to solve. He must have written it as a reminder of the promise he made to Oswald the week prior. But he didn't remember writing it.

 

Ed could hear the shuffling of bodies as they wandered listlessly through the abandoned apartment complex. They scattered at any sudden movement or sound. More like cockroaches than actual people. The man occupying the tattered mattress next to Ed's looked eerily like himself. Tufts of curly brown hair poked out from under the hood of his sweater. His cheekbones were sunken and his glasses were held together with electrical tape. Ed was fairly certain he was no longer breathing.

 

There was no point in taking the drugs aside from general euphoria. He didn't need to hallucinate Oswald to see him. He could just go to the manor... but, he didn't want to _need_ to see Oswald. He wanted to suppress that need. Sedatives would certainly make that easier to do... but the thought of disappointing Oswald outweighed that desire. He was trapped in a purgatory of his own making.

 

 _It's not like Oswald would find out_ , he thought.

 

“Of course he'd find out.” His hallucination snarled

 

“Shut up!” Ed yelled at the annoying apparition

 

“Make me.” Not-So-Dumb Ed raised an eyebrow

 

“It's bad enough that you're taking control when I'm sleeping. You don't have to taunt me further!” He adjusted his glasses and gave himself a moment to really take in the sight of the drug den around him, “Why are we here anyway?”

 

“To prove a point.”

 

“That point being?” he glared

 

“That we won't break our promises.”

 

“We've broken plenty of promises.” Ed admitted. He had promised Oswald he wouldn't leave him alone again. He promised he wouldn't stab Oswald in the back. He had told Oswald he would do _anything_ for him. Yet, when confronted with their feelings and desires and trepidation... he ran away.

 

“Have we though?” A Cheshire grin split his hallucination's face in two

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“We haven't left Gotham yet. And that's not on me, that's _you_. That's you following your-”

 

“-Don't be stupid.” he spat, “No one can cross the bridges yet.”

 

“The military removed the mines days ago and there are ferries crossing to the mainland every hour.” he pointed out the window to the boats crossing the river that morning.

 

Edward clenched his jaw and said nothing.

 

“Face it, bucko. Once this little field trip is over, we're just going to go running back to him. Like we always do.”

 

“That's not going to happen!”

 

“We'll see about that.”

 

His hallucination disappeared from sight but his words lingered. They had sounded so clear that Ed wondered if they had actually come out of his own mouth. He shook his head and headed for the door. But he was stopped by the familiar clack of nails on the concrete floors.

 

“ _You._ ” Ed hissed

 

The bulldog huffed in response before bounding up to Edward the human and muddying his green trousers.

 

* * *

 

Oswald, hungover and weary from the night before, marched into the GCPD in order to offer help with supply runs. Specifically to return some stolen supplies that he may or may not have orchestrated the theft of in an attempt to make himself appear a hero. The performance was not at all lost on Jim Gordon but it didn't stop the refugees from surrounding the Penguin and thanking him.

 

Despite enjoying the praise, it wasn't the real reason for Oswald's visit. His steely eye scanned the room and honed in on his desired target. He nearly ran over the group of refugees when he caught sight of her.

 

“Leslie Thompkins- Oh! Forgive me. Leslie _Gordon_.” his voice was full of false endearment, “Congratulations, by the way.”

 

“Thank you.” Lee gave him a nervous smile, “For that and for bringing back the stolen goods.” she nodded towards the boxes of food and medical supplies Oswald's men were carrying.

 

“What can I say? I'm a charitable man.”

 

“Right.” she clicked her tongue, “About that... I suppose I should also thank you for saving my life.”

 

“Don't mention it.” He bared his teeth

 

“I would say I owed you one but you also allowed Hugo Strange to put a chip in my brain.”

 

“You too?” he couldn't help but chuckle, “Apologies. I didn't exactly have any other mad scientists up my sleeve.”

 

“You could have just let me die. Why didn't you?”

 

Oswald rolled his eyes so hard he thought they might fall out, “I decided you were more valuable to me alive. And that gamble paid off.” He gestured to his glassy blue eye

 

“You're welcome. But I didn't do that for you. I did it for Ed.”

 

“Of course.” he curbed his jealousy by biting down on his tongue, “Do you still call yourself the Queen of the Narrows?”

 

“I _am_  the Queen of the Narrows.” she smiled proudly

 

“Then I take it you know everything that goes on in your precious little kingdom.”

 

“Yes. And I know you were there yesterday snooping around. What for?” She crossed her arms and the corner of her mouth was tugged into a contemptuous smile

 

Oswald was honestly impressed by her. He might have to recruit some of her own scouts out from under her since his were so underwhelming, “I was looking for Ed.”

 

“I thought he was with you.”

 

“He was. But then he... left.”

 

“If I see him, you'll be the first person that I call.” she said, uncrossing her arms and softening her expression

 

“Thank you.” Oswald worried his bottom lip

 

“Hey.” she put a hand on his shoulder, “I'm sure he's fine.”

 

“Of course he is. Why wouldn't he be?”

 

They both shared a knowing look. That question didn't need to be answered. She nodded her head and excused herself. Oswald's gaze followed her up the steps towards Jim Gordon's office where she and Barbara Kean were cooing over the baby. They were quickly met by Jim who greeted the two women who Oswald assumed were _both_ his lovers. His mind was suddenly flooded with an array of invidious thoughts. Most of which ended with a bullet lodged in their brains. The domestic display broke his heart. It reminded him of everything he couldn't have.

 

“Hello, Penguin.” Lucius Fox greeted him by the steps, “Sorry for intruding. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Mrs. Gordon.”

 

“No one likes a spy.” Oswald gave him a threatening look

 

“I think I might know where Ed is.” Lucius ignored the obvious signs that he was probably in danger of getting stabbed in the throat

 

Oswald grabbed the other man's arm, “Did you speak to him? Is he okay-”

 

“-Slow down, Penguin. I didn't talk to him." he straightened his jacket, "I just have a hunch.”

 

“A hunch?” he scoffed, “And why should I listen to you?”

 

“Because, despite what he may think, I actually care about him.” he gave a fond grin, “And the relationship you two have- whatever that may be- is good for him. More or less.”

 

“What makes you say that?”

 

“Because, when you're not around, he's a serial killer.”

 

Oswald laughed, “Nice try, _Foxy_.” He spat out the nickname, “But Ed was a killer before I ever came into the picture.”

 

“You do know that he framed Gordon because he let you take the fall for Galavan, right?”

 

“I don't know what kind of game you are playing at.” Oswald looked down his nose at the forensic scientist, “Edward Nygma framed Jim Gordon for murder to keep him from uncovering the truth about his dead girlfriend.”

 

“True. But that's not the _whole_ truth.” Lucius raised an eyebrow, “I could send you a copy of his confession if you'd like.”

 

Oswald made a face, “I hardly think that's necessary.” He gritted his teeth. He wanted to turn around and walk out of the GCPD but the man in front of him was telling him things he had wanted to hear. Things he wanted answers to, “Why should I believe you?”

 

“I visited him when he was in Arkham. I knew he didn't have many friends so I thought I'd check up on him. Make sure he was alright.” He shifted his weight with a sigh, “All he ever did was talk about you and how he felt guilty about turning you away at his apartment. How he felt responsible for everything that had happened to you. And, after he thought he had killed you, he told me how much he missed you.” Lucius chuckled, “Pretty sure the guy is in love with you.”

 

Oswald was stunned trying to process everything. Apparently, everyone knew that Edward had loved him except for Oswald himself.

 

“I know the two of you are going to continue to be a pain in my ass and I know that no amount of convincing from me or Gordon is going to keep you above board. But... I'd rather you be the one to keep an eye on him. He listens to you.”

 

“Only when he wants to.” he scoffed, “So where is he?”

 

“There's an apartment complex that overlooks the docks. It's been condemned for years. He tends to haunt that neck of the woods when he's particularly stressed out or depressed.”

 

“Do you think he's alright?”

 

“I'm sure he will be if you're there with him.”

 

“Thank you. Really.” Oswald made a mental note to not kill Lucius if there was ever another firefight with the GCPD.

 

“Not a problem. And... this conversation stays between us.” He patted Oswald on the shoulder before walking away. He hid his smirk as best he could along with the letter written in green ink that had been in his pocket that entire time.

 

* * *

 

“Why do we keep coming back here?” No-So-Dumb Ed grimaced as he looked out over the blue-black water of the cruel river.

 

Edward chose not to respond. He wasn't entirely sure. His feet had just dragged him out to the pier without him really thinking about it.

 

“I thought we never wanted to see this pier again.” the hallucination chuckled, “And then we put that damn submarine here. We could have picked _anywhere_ else along the river but we came back here anyway. Why is that?”

 

“I thought we could get a fresh start.” Ed finally spoke

 

His hallucination chuckled. But there was an edge of sadness to it, “We thought he was gonna sail away with us.”

 

“Yeah. It had all been his idea too...”

 

“We really are stupid.”

 

As long as they were trapped in Gotham, they were destined to be villains. It's this city. It chews you up and spits you back out. It leaves you a mangled and hollow husk of the person you once were. If they had been able to flee Gotham, they could have had a life together. Maybe. But Oswald had wanted to stay. Ed recalled the conversation he overheard between Oswald and Jim before the battle at the barricade. Even if he had allowed himself to leave, Oswald would always return- with or without the Riddler.

 

“So what do we do with the mutt?” His hallucination thought back to the slightly starved bulldog they had tied up in one of the rooms at the den. Nyssa Al Ghul must have thrown the dog out of the submarine before departing for the mainland. Ed had actually been kind of relieved to see his muddy little face run up to him.

 

“We can just pay someone to deliver him to the manor.” Ed sighed

 

“We could always bring him home ourselves.”

 

“No.” Ed glared

 

“You're right. Too risky. Or... here's another option.” A smile crept upon his face as he looked out passed Ed's shoulder, “Oswald could always come to us.”

 

Edward quickly spun around on his heels.

 

There he was. Dressed in all his finery. A large fur-collared coat protecting him from the frigid wind.

 

“Oswald.” Ed froze, “What are you doing here?”

 

“Just making sure you aren't getting yourself into trouble.” Oswald took a few measured steps toward his friend. They locked eyes and Edward lost all ability to breathe.

 

Was it snowing? Ed couldn't tell. Oswald's glacial eye reminded him of his nightmare. Ed was shaking as the cold seeped through his skin and chilled his bones. He wondered if maybe that nightmare had been an instance of precognition and Oswald was planning on getting revenge on him for leaving.

 

“How did you know I would be here?” Ed asked

 

“Lucius Fox told me I might find you here.”

 

“How did he-”

 

Not-So-Dumb Ed cackled.

 

_What did you do?_

 

“Nothing much... I just slipped Foxy a letter while you were napping.”

 

_Why?_

 

“How else was Oswald going to find us?”

 

_We didn't want Oswald to find us!_

 

“Yes, we did. It's why we've been leaving clues around the city.”

 

_That was YOU not ME!_

 

“Eh, same difference.”

 

“Ed?” Oswald broke him from his trance, “You're arguing with yourself again.”

 

“Right... sorry.” Edward glared at his other half, “You really shouldn't have come.”

 

“I know.” Oswald shook his head, “I just... wanted to make sure you were okay.”

 

“I'm fine.” He lied. His clothes were dirty, he hadn't eaten, and it was starting to sleet.

 

“That's good to hear.” Oswald faked a smile. The cold was making the pain in his ankle unbearable. He grit his teeth through the pain, “You often talked about how you wanted to move to Star City. You had the opportunity so why stay in Gotham?”

 

 _Because I love you,_ Ed thought.

 

“Because only Gotham City can appreciate a villain like the Riddler.” he replied aloud, with a dramatic flair of his hands, “Why are you really here, Oswald?”

 

 _Because I love you and I miss you_ , Oswald thought.

 

If this was the last time he and Ed were going to speak, he wanted to make it count and leave no unanswered questions between them, “You called me a coward once.” Oswald blinked away tears, “And you were right.”

 

 _I should run to him,_ they both thought.

 

“That's not true. You're one of the bravest people I know.” Ed ignored the inner voice that was screaming at him

 

“You flatter me. But you're wrong.” Oswald gave a sad smile, “I was afraid of being alone. Terrified. So much so that I would deny you your own happiness or put you at risk.

 

_Run. To. Him._

 

“I'm so sorry, Edward. I wish I could take it all back. I wish... I wish I could just blow it out like a candle, but I can't. Believe me, I've tried.”

 

_He's crying. Make him stop crying and run to him, you idiot!_

 

“If this is the end of the road for us, I understand. I won't stand in your way. But... at least allow me to say goodbye. I need some sort of closure or I'm going to go insane-”

 

Oswald could no longer speak. A pair of lips collided with his own. He stiffened and waved his arms out at his sides, unsure of where to put them. Their lips were painfully smashed together. Their teeth clattered. It hurt. All of the worry and anxiety and pain from all of their years of knowing each other and fighting with each other and regretting their feelings for each other was pushed into this one act of boldness from the man in green.

 

Oswald clutched at the fabric on Ed's shirt and pulled him closer. He waited for a blade to be plunged into his heart. When they finally broke away to breathe, he had been surprised to find that Ed hadn't actually pulled a knife out. Ed's eyes were clenched shut. He looked as if he were still arguing with a voice in his head.

 

“Ed?” Oswald placed a warm hand on his cheek, “Come back to me.”

 

Ed's eyes snapped open. Pupils blown wide. Irises like the darkest espresso.

 

“I'm here.” Edward finally spoke. His words weighing more than they normally would.

 

Oswald was one of the most expressive people Ed had ever known. He could stare at the man all day and no one expression would be the same. Oswald's mouth parted as if he wanted to speak. His brow narrowed. His jaw clenched. It twisted into uncertainty. Edward wouldn't allow that.

 

“For some men... love is a crippling weakness. But, for us, I think it is our greatest strength.” Edward held Oswald's face in his hands

 

“Do you mean that?”

 

“I do.” He answered without hesitation. He pulled Oswald into a hug and breathed in the smell of Oswald's earthy shampoo.

 

“So what do we do now?” Oswald took a step backward and eyed the man who had stolen his heart. Another gauntlet thrown at their feet. After a moment of shared silence, Edward spoke.

 

“If it's all the same to you... I'd like to go home.” He clutched Oswald's gloved hand to his chest, “Together.”

 

_Together._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! I had a lot of fun writing this and I am already busy at work on the sequel (and maaaaybe a smutty epilogue because why not?)
> 
> I'm opening up requests for Nygmobblepot ficlets over on Tumblr in the meantime!
> 
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ Feel free to PM me some prompts at thesoullessfuck


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